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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I promised...and I will keep that promise...I will go to bed...no worries. Insomnia just controls my summer you know? It's almost like the school year again except I actually wanted to sleep then. Strange...
But one last thought. My mom, the sweet woman who created me, saved me some fortune cookies from Tangs (tho I didn't attend) because she knows how much I love them. I gave her a big, gracious hug and thanked her. Really, the reason I get so stressed when she leaves voicemails is because I worry her and I cause large amounts of stress on her. I dont want to cause her pain or anything. Sometimes I wish she wouldnt worry about me because sometimes I dont deserve being worried about. Maybe I dont agree with checking in every few hours, but I will start if it will make her happy. My ma is a sweet, caring woman and she deserves to be happy. She makes me want to be a better daughter, better friend, better person. It may just be a few fortune cookies saved convinently from an oriental restaurant...but she didnt have to save them. She had her motherly reasons to be pissed off at me, she didnt even have to think of me. But she did. She didn't have to give me any either...she coulda rubbed it in how she got some and I didnt...how I missed out...but she didn't. And thinking of those two simple fortune cookies and eating them..it really, truly made my day. Speaking of the cookies though, one in particular boggled me: "You will be deeply loved." Now usually fortunes are worded more complicated and half the fortune is pretty much decoding what they mean... But the simplicity and wording of this one...it just threw me. It's not like anything I've gotten before. It's not "You will be deeply in love" or anything I can do. Usually it's something I can relate to...but I dunno how to relate this one. I will be deeply loved...maybe I'm over-analyzing... I just don't know. I've always liked these things thinking that one day I will open one and the answer my life is on that little slip...or I will open one and be so inspired by the fortune...I will have some good advice to live by... But this doesnt seem too capable. I can't see myself being loved deeply...I'm just not that special. I know I can love deeply but I just cant see anyone loving me deeply... I'm still discovering I can be loved... Damn insecurities... That song is right: "So, insecurities Are about as useful as trying To put the pin back in the grenade" Jenny at 1:54 AM
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