|
part with me
|
|
.
|
|
about me
|
|
Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
|
|
. |
| her smiling eyes | ||
| this is your cue. smile. |
I am kinda of torn between my deep/thoughtful side and my hyper/random side...Sometimes I want to be serious but it seems as thought I am counted on for the energy. But then I dont think people think they can count on me for some down time. And I began to think more indepth...everyone else....do they know I can be serious? What kinda person do I advertise myself as? Hyper or deep? Or both?
I just feel like I have a split personality and that like people only see part of me and assume thats the whole me but its much more complicated than that...I am hyper but deep....I'm like...dyper? I really like being let off as a very positive person but I'm afraid if I let some of my serious parts out (insecurities, needs, etc) people will be like...oh she's just another emo kid...just like us. Cuz everyone has problems...but if you dont show it...you are let off as optimistic and positive and the cheerer upper. But if you show it...its just another pity party. But I dont want a pity party...I just want to be alive and get comfort too, because sometimes I feel really alone in my little world and I need a hug and sometimes.... I dont know what to do. I mean i have been going through things but I just dont know how to tell people...I mean I just dont know how to say how I feel anymore without feeling extremly guilty. Just like home and my mom and dad subliminally giving me guidelines to live by and not the general ones but like things I had to learn off my sister or them and so on. Like don't do blah like your sister did, you know how that turned out... and I feel i cant even live my own life w/o thinking of everyone elses beforehand. And the thing is, theres more...there's always more. But I'm just so afraid to show it. I'd feel so vulnerable...nothing to hide behind...my heart and all my other important organs on my sleeve. I don't know where i fit in anywhere and I dont even know how mold all my contradictory characteristics into one personality. I feel like someone who moves a lot you know? I just never seem to feel at home? Im just so empty but full of air and love and I'm just a never ending glass of that. I want to show both the goofy and serious side, and I can, I just need to know the right times. But then sometimes I get so wired, I cant transition into my serious side completely so Im just like laughing nervously and I just cant calm down. My ma asked me if I always felt I needed to entertain...and I said no because it seems as though I can entertain myself which ends up entertaining others as well. Like win win. But then I thought about it...and I am more afraid to show my serious side than my humorous side. The serious side is the afraid side...the side that holds the insecurities and pain and things that Im afraid to show people....its like me naked but with my clothes on. I just have this vulnerability problem...I am afraid to show too much without having it all thrown back at me... I usually open up really easily...but after people gossip and the fact my family believes someones business is everyones business and gossips just as much as the people I know at school do..... I just closed up, not all the way but enough to where it makes it hard to peel up the different layers. Im just so afraid some people are going to think im only hyper and full of energy, and then stray away from me whenever they need a deep talk or comfort/ down time like I am not capable of doing so. I hate thinking...it makes question everything and think more...never ending...prolly go insane... Jenny at 11:24 PM
Comments:
Post a Comment
| |
| a product of maystar designs. modified by carly |
