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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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| this is your cue. smile. |
I...feel so alive...for the very first time...I cannot deny you...I feel so alive. And I...feel so alive... for the very first time...and I think I can fly...
Listening to that song...I felt like that before. It feels pretty good. I felt pretty alive today. Like electrofied. But more of that later. Sunday was depressing. I got up unmotivated...went to the store with my ma. That was actually cool. I got new shoes(Adio, skate shoes..really comfy..ahhh), umm oh and like notebooks and pens. The general stuff. Wasn't really in the mood for anything indepth. Just wanted to go home and whimper to myself lol. Still in denial... I drove home. I did really good actually. Went in my room, layed on my bed for a long period of time listening to my stereo...and I whimpered to myself. It was incredibly sad. Not only was it the last day before school started again, but Mike left to fly back home to Connecticut that morning. So that means another goodbye until I see him again. Hopefully christmas....double hopefully he moves back next semester. And as I was laying and looking at my artificial stars on my ceiling, I was near tears. They just kept coming about...and I kept wiping them away quickly...not as if anyone were there to see...but the fact that I was so upset. Again. Again because it hurts so much to keep having to say goodbye to one of your bestfriends...to see them again and rememeber all the reasons why you love them so much...then soon enough, they have to leave again. They have to keep leaving. They can't just stay...they have to keep flying back home. Their new home...no matter how much they miss it here. And no matter how much I try to understand, I never do. I know he has to go back, but for some reason...it always blows me away. Like wow, there he goes...again. And all these goodbyes and Im so tired of saying goodbye. I want to say stay, i want to just hold him in my arms and say "Please...just stay...I dont want to say goodbye anymore" but who says I can do that? I know I cant. It would be a hell of a lot easier if he liked me but he likes everyone else BUT me. I am still just a friend. And that sucks. Once again, feelings go to waste... If there were just someone that I liked and they liked me back...and we could like each other...I would be about the happiest girl on the planet. I have so much love in me...I'm drowning in it. Anybody know CPR? I could use some lifesaving affection lol I dunno. There are guys I met today that I really wouldnt mind getting to know. Will they ever like me? I dont know. I am like embedded with the friendship plague. Guys just wanna be my friend...I dont have that sexiness or beauty to draw the testosterone...I'm just me and I can accept that. What is hard to accept is that not one guy finds that attractive of me. To the point where I feel like an ogre...I just repel. I'm not completely putting myself down, I really like myself. Not in the cocky-way...but the growing confident way. And it helps that I have a huge sense of humor, so things don't really get to me. And it also helps im optimistic. So nevertheless, I still have hope. The right guy will come soon enough. Maybe it is the cute boy next to me in Algebra, or maybe I havent met him just yet. Either way, Im really happy with life. I can truthfully say Im satisfied in where life has taken me. Which brings me to my first day. Despite the fucked up bus route, I got there eventually. It was a bummer on the way but I knew it'd get better once I saw some familiar faces I havent seen since the last school day lol. 1st hour: Earth Science. Dude, Brenden Madden is in my class! Kick ass! That kid rocks my socks! Wow that made my morning. I had no idea who was gonna be in my class then and when he walked in, it was a rush of happy! We did this crazy quiz...guess you really didnt have to do it if you read directions...but it was full of insane questions like "Scream 'Jello' at the top of your lungs" in which Brenden got to before me, and before I got to that one, we found out it was all a trick. We didnt have to do any of that. But it was fun and worth it. 2nd: Algebra II. I've got loads of familiar faces in that class such as RJ, Dave, Jess, Alysse(sp?), Erin, Wes, Janessa, umm chick..from..spanish.., and lets not forget, cute boy who sits next to me. I think his name is Jeremy? Hmm..offered me his nametag thing...after he's done with it. I like his sense of humor...it's really fresh and funny. I have a good feel that class is gonna be fun. The teacher's voice is weird tho...cant explain it...just weird. 3rd: Yearbook Journalism. The dude's lucky im part of that class. Maybe I will catch some of these errors before the books get out. I told him all the things I caught, he was impressed by my perfectionist eye. What can I say...blame the father. So i'll get to be taking pictures for the yearbook soon hopefully. I've got high hopes. Offended the teach by saying "Dude...where are all the guys?" and he was like "Excuse me?" and I was like "We need some testosterone in this class..." and he was like..."Well, what do you think I am?" and I was like "Not you, boys our age." It was a good laugh. 4th: Fit For Life. I'm looking forward to working my ass off. Im ready to burn some of this summer chub off. I didnt gain much, but I prolly lost some muscle in the process. I need to get that back and tone my abs and everything. Im ready to buff up again lol. 5th: Studio Theater. Wow, you can tell it's meant to be when your previous class is super local to your next one. I just had to walk down the hall. It's going to be a fun year...I'll prolly undergo some detentions...but ITS A FLIpPIN PARTY! So many people I love all in one room! Like half the class is people I really know and it was a trip to see them...wow it was amazing! It was like euphoria and love was flying and the energy...CRAZY! I am really really glad Manda and Meg have joined the lil drama community, I cant wait till Theater Festival. The class was missing something...moreso a someone...(actually some two): Carly and Julia. I thought about them during the hour...I missed them in there. =*( Curtain Call Club...remember that... I was really happy I was able to say my news in front of everyone. I really enjoy doing that...it's like my own one-man show. I look forward to it every monday. Tomorrow I am gonna do Julia's cuz she asked me to... but I know it wont be the same. I would love to do the honors, but i just know for a fact that only Julia can do a Julia news..Ill try tho. She is only my other craziest pea in the pod, ya know. I love that girl so much...we've been friends since beginning of Freshman year and I dont see things getting any different as the years go on. She'll always be my better half. 6th: Lunch. As much as we tried to stick together, we ended up losing part of out little groupie on our way to lunch lol. We started out almost like the whole preschool holding hands chain but that broke off, many hello's on the way, short convos, locker breaks. As we were walking to Manda's, we see CArly coming from her locker and she like tackle hugs me lol. You have no idea how happy i was to see Ms. Carly Pribyl. A hug like that everyday would make school life much more bearable. I didnt see her all day...then seeing her like that, it was like it was a whole million years since our last visit. School really does that to you sadly enough. Lunch was chaotic (I think i spelled that right...i feel so proud!!) but a lot of fun. 7th: English III. This is when the hype started winding down...and I began to get really tired. The day seemed to go by alot fasts being as it's only 1-8th now instead of 1-12th...just that little difference makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. Seriously...the day seems shorter with less hours. 1-8th seems a lot more bearable. Chyea...new english teach. Seems cool. Spaced out...looked at my shiny watch for amusement (thats what i did all day...look at the shiny watch lol...im such a dork). I think we'll get along relatively well. 8th: US History. I know nobody. Total lie. I know like the whole class...I know them by name...not really friends with the lot of them. I get along with most of them. What saves the class is Julia. What would I do without her silly stories and our senseless laughing? I would probably cry in a corner in sorrow. My life wouldnt be as interesting and be missing a lot. We laughed and talked about our days...then laughed. Seriously, Julia is amazing. All in all, a bearable day. IT wasnt so bad once I got there. And the socializing helped. My sense of humor helped me get along and break the ice. I have high hopes for this year. I love all my friends and I wish them the best in all their classes. Specially one friend, I hope school gets more enjoyable for you. If not, I'll just have to try and find a way everyday to make you smile. Jenny at 9:38 PM
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