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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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Thisisme005.jpg Chyea...I was fiddling with a popular webhost, there we go. Im thinking. I'm thinking about lots of things... For being such a still image, there is my mind racing. It's going so fast, sometimes I can't even keep up. Sometimes I look up for answers...thinking the sky sees more than I do...but I'm surrounded by walls at the moment. So I'm racing in circles, getting no where and somewhere all at the same time. No where new, but somewhere other than here. And I look outside these eyes feeling relatively safe inside my head...where my mind wanders without me leaving my heart babbling to no end.
I wanted to run today...but I dont know where is far enough. Maybe some random field...and I'll just lay there. Hopefully no geese will attack me. Geese scare me. So I scare them. Then it's fair. Maybe I will run to Connecticut. Or just to Antioch...North Avenue...I'll run to his barn where he played the drums for me...and held me while it rained outside. And maybe it will rain again. This time we can be outside, letting it wash away our past and start new. And maybe we will kiss again, it's been a while, I miss that affection. Maybe I love too much...too much for my own good. I just don't know what to do. All this love, just sitting here. Never to spoil or go to waste...but drown me from the inside. But I love loving. That is what I was made to do. And I dont mind it, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel alive. Sometimes I dont feel alive. Sometimes I need to use my stethoscope just to make sure im still beating, that the fist sized muscle enclosed by my ribcage is still pulsing. And it usually is...just really quickly and faintly. That reassures me. I'm alive. 16 years and still going. 16 years is a lot when you think of possible circumstances. After all that has happened in life, I could of sworn my heart died each time. But I'm alive. Even today...feeling as if I could make my own cacoon right now and just sit in it. Maybe I will be revamped. Because my batteries seem dead. And Im not re-energizing like usual. And I cant think of the words...I dont know what these all mean. But there is a song that I can relate to. I'm starting to fashion an idea in my headSometimes I want to cry. Because all I want is to be loved. All I want is to be noticed. I wish I were wanted, so then I could feel needed...and maybe I can remember what it feels like to like someone and be liked just as much back. Jenny at 9:46 PM
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