Her Smiling Eyes

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

So yesterday, Tuesday...twas just a continuation of my completely off weekend. REcap, I was not myself all weekend. This like glum, mellow demon possessed me and made me all...weird. I was almost...normal? Sigh, what is this world coming to? Jenny is never meant to be normal. You can start off normal, but its different when you are already out of the ordinary. To revert would be...strange. I was told that I dance to the beat of my own piccalo. Im not gonna start marchin to a drum anytime soon.

And my day started like that. I was still very strange. It was like my icecream fell out of it's cone and into some sand...I was just like bleh. It was picture day as well and I forgot I am a junior...meaning my pictures were that day. So I started my day off in a hurry considering I woke up, showered, and accidently fell back asleep instead of just relaxing on my bed. Missed my bus, yet made the other stop. I hate starting my day in a hurry, everything is just so lame after that. It was like I was so rushed, I didnt even have a game plan for my day. I just kinda dove in head first...into Jello...and I didnt know what the fuck to do.

I tried to find some comfort with my Blue Day Book, but that could only bring so much cheer. I wasnt really in the mood for the first few periods. I just kinda sat there...wondering how worth it it would be just to walk out and go else where. Like I dunno...far far away...maybe under a tree...just to lay there and let the earth engulf me. I just wanted to hide, curled up in a ball...safe in my own little perimeter. And then I could sleep or just veg out in my own little world.

Drama I got a little bit better. I was cheered up a bit somehow (could be because it's after gym and I worked out to get endorphines and endorphines make you happy). We did our highlights and I didnt even feel like talking, but news is important to me. So I said it anyhow. Then we did reviewed our lines a bit.

Lunch I sort of loosed up, it really helped being able to veg out for a while with my lovely lunch-kins. I had fun bullying Ward and laughing with the crew. We always have so much fun together, that 50 minutes means the world to me. And for many reasons, one being this amazing Brittany quote : "I couldnt help myself from thinking 'Ugh, why is she hugging him? Im much cuter" Chyea, that was awesome.

English was okay. I dont really dig all the people in that class. I dig all kinds of people but the lot of these people are just not my kinda crowd. They are all...jocks and such. The class lacks many free spirits...a few skaters...yum...specially this one. He has such a cute smile. I mean, he looks as if he's all hardcore punk and grr im tough...then he like whips out this sweet "It's CHRISTMAS MORNING!!" smile or that surprised "I JUST SAW A BUTTERLY COME OUT OF IT'S CHRYSALIS!!" look of wonder and amazement. It's refreshing. I'd really like to get to know him.

The guys who sit on either side of me are jocks...ugh. I hate when people act like they are better than you or like the shit...just naturally. They just have this atmosphere and attitude like yea, you're not worth my breath. And I hate wasting mine with them. I feel like im losing brain cells or something.

After that, history was happenin lol. Nah, actually Jules and I made plans for the afternoon. I stayed after school with her to hang out. She had to go to German tutoring though so I sat in there with her and did Algebra. I was so happy I finished it, that meant I didnt have to bring my book home =DD YAY! I got extra credit for coming in. That will go towards my german points. ÜBER!

Then we went to Mc Donalds and ate food. We talked about how we think each other changed and everyone else. I've been scared, because I was afraid that I'd be losing touch with Julia considering our lack of hanging out due to clubs, work, and school. And it was so nice to talk to her and see that hey, no matter what, we are still best buds. No matter if we are clubbin it up for school or workin hard at our job. That was really reassuring. I noticed she has changed, not for the worse...just changed. She's still the Jules I know and love, but somethin is just different. I think its the fact that we are growing up, maturing bit by bit, gradually becoming older day by day. We still goof off and are outgoing, we are just a little wiser and a little more mature than when we first met. And it's nice.

I was really happy to be able to hang out with her, and talk with her so at Mc Donalds. I miss her so much cuz she works a lot, and I have clubs and school...and it's just really hard sometimes. I see her in US history everyday, but we cant just break loose in that class and goof off or talk really. Im really glad she is one of my best friends.

We went back to school and met up with her ma so she could order her class ring. She's really excited about it. As for me, eh, the offer stands...but Im not really interested in it. Im not really the ring type besides my birth stone ring. But even that, I only wear it out of habit. I wore it for my Godmother cuz she got it for me one christmas...and after that...I just kinda needed it on my finger to feel whole. Im not one who can just wear a piece of jewelry for a few days then not anymore...my body notices. And it bugs me...so I need it there to fill that empty space. Maybe my mind will change my senior year.

We persuaded Mrs. C to let her stay to watch the AMPS thing that evening. So that was cool. We walked around the school a bit and then hung out outside the drama room. We mostly danced in the hallway to the danceroom music. It was great because we were just breakin it down spontaneously as we were goin down the hall...then all the sudden my cousin comes up behind us and is like "Hi Jenny!" and Im was all WHOA WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GUYS COME FROM??? I wasnt embaressed, just startled. Chyea, I guess my cousin Jessica goes to LCHS instead of Carmel, where her other sister goes. So thats really cool, Jessica rocks.

It was funny because I brought Julia up to my cabin on time and my cousins we still leaving when we got there (since we rent our cabins to my other family as well). And Jessica remembered her lol. I remember the last time I went up there, they were just leaving as we were arriving. Just leaving meaning, still 2 hours to go lol. So I got to hang out with the lot of them. And they were like "Where's that girl?" or "Where's your friend?" and I'd be like Julia? and they would be all YEA! Haha cuz when Julia came up, my cousins fell in love with her. One even liked her more than me. Haha I was like ahh dude you're winning over my cousins. So Julia just kinda became part o' the family lol.

Anywho, the idea came up about us playing each other. Like, if one of us ever had to play the other as a part or something. We came to the conclusion that dispite our unique qualities and such, it wouldnt really be much different. Or noticeable? I dunno. We are pretty alike, but pretty different. And we were thinkin about if anyone would notice if we played each other for a day. I can't replace her, and she can't replace me, but I must say I am really lucky to know someone that dancin to the same piccalo with me. I like that we're the two craziest peas in a pod.

Time came and we had to warm up and stuff. It was tough because im so used to having Julia there to get psyched up with. She still psyched me up tho. I wish we coulda shared the excitement tho. I was really happy she was able to come and support us, it meant a lot to me knowing that she was in the audience. But then it made me sad she was sitting there, watching me in the audience. I wish she was up there with me, performing side by side with me. Like the improv show, we could be a dynamic duo...sharing the lime light light how it's should be...or how I am used to it being. We just accent each other on stage...and I miss glancin over and seein her right up there with me, just as happy as I am.

All in all, it was still a rush performing. A solo rush, but still amazing. My parents were really proud of me and my on the spot thinking..i felt good. I had so much fun performing, we have a swell group. Before the thing, I gave Kaitlen the song I wrote her. And before we performed, we tried to rap it like rappin chad lol. I have so much fun with these guys, its unbelievable.

And I love Kaitlen, she is such a wonderful and sweet friend. How lucky am I to be friends with her? Luckier than the man on the moon! HOw happy does she make the world? Happier than any money can buy. If one were to meet Kaitlen one day...then on the same day win the bazillion dollar lotto...and later if someone were to ask how lucky they were that day...the fellow would respond "Lucky enough to meet one of the most amazing people in the world, that makes my life all the more happier with her added to it." And you notice they didnt speak anything of the fact they are the bazillion dollar lotto winner...because none of that matters. These special people you happen to meet in life are worth a hell of a lot more than a bazillion dollars. And such people bring a lot more joy than any money can buy. I am ever so lucky to have Kaitlen in my life, where everyday I can come to school and have all the more reason to smile. If only the rest of the world were that lucky...but for now they only wish to meet someone like you on the train someday...to at least make small conversation with; Kaitlen: "Hows life?" Stranger: "Thank you for asking now, because minutes ago I would have bitterly stated 'barely worth my time or contemplation...' But now that I've met you, I must say, I dont know what i was thinking. For, if there are people like you inhabiting this earth, its pretty wonderful. I can get by knowing that simple fact, and the rest doesnt matter." REally.

Please smile, lovely Kaitlen =) I heart you so.

Jenny at 8:08 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004 So yesterday, Tuesday...twas just a continuation of my completely off weekend. REcap, I was not myself all weekend. This like glum, mellow demon possessed me and made me all...weird. I was almost...normal? Sigh, what is this world coming to? Jenny is never meant to be normal. You can start off normal, but its different when you are already out of the ordinary. To revert would be...strange. I was told that I dance to the beat of my own piccalo. Im not gonna start marchin to a drum anytime soon. And my day started like that. I was still very strange. It was like my icecream fell out of it's cone and into some sand...I was just like bleh. It was picture day as well and I forgot I am a junior...meaning my pictures were that day. So I started my day off in a hurry considering I woke up, showered, and accidently fell back asleep instead of just relaxing on my bed. Missed my bus, yet made the other stop. I hate starting my day in a hurry, everything is just so lame after that. It was like I was so rushed, I didnt even have a game plan for my day. I just kinda dove in head first...into Jello...and I didnt know what the fuck to do. I tried to find some comfort with my Blue Day Book, but that could only bring so much cheer. I wasnt really in the mood for the first few periods. I just kinda sat there...wondering how worth it it would be just to walk out and go else where. Like I dunno...far far away...maybe under a tree...just to lay there and let the earth engulf me. I just wanted to hide, curled up in a ball...safe in my own little perimeter. And then I could sleep or just veg out in my own little world. Drama I got a little bit better. I was cheered up a bit somehow (could be because it's after gym and I worked out to get endorphines and endorphines make you happy). We did our highlights and I didnt even feel like talking, but news is important to me. So I said it anyhow. Then we did reviewed our lines a bit. Lunch I sort of loosed up, it really helped being able to veg out for a while with my lovely lunch-kins. I had fun bullying Ward and laughing with the crew. We always have so much fun together, that 50 minutes means the world to me. And for many reasons, one being this amazing Brittany quote : "I couldnt help myself from thinking 'Ugh, why is she hugging him? Im much cuter" Chyea, that was awesome. English was okay. I dont really dig all the people in that class. I dig all kinds of people but the lot of these people are just not my kinda crowd. They are all...jocks and such. The class lacks many free spirits...a few skaters...yum...specially this one. He has such a cute smile. I mean, he looks as if he's all hardcore punk and grr im tough...then he like whips out this sweet "It's CHRISTMAS MORNING!!" smile or that surprised "I JUST SAW A BUTTERLY COME OUT OF IT'S CHRYSALIS!!" look of wonder and amazement. It's refreshing. I'd really like to get to know him. The guys who sit on either side of me are jocks...ugh. I hate when people act like they are better than you or like the shit...just naturally. They just have this atmosphere and attitude like yea, you're not worth my breath. And I hate wasting mine with them. I feel like im losing brain cells or something. After that, history was happenin lol. Nah, actually Jules and I made plans for the afternoon. I stayed after school with her to hang out. She had to go to German tutoring though so I sat in there with her and did Algebra. I was so happy I finished it, that meant I didnt have to bring my book home =DD YAY! I got extra credit for coming in. That will go towards my german points. ÜBER! Then we went to Mc Donalds and ate food. We talked about how we think each other changed and everyone else. I've been scared, because I was afraid that I'd be losing touch with Julia considering our lack of hanging out due to clubs, work, and school. And it was so nice to talk to her and see that hey, no matter what, we are still best buds. No matter if we are clubbin it up for school or workin hard at our job. That was really reassuring. I noticed she has changed, not for the worse...just changed. She's still the Jules I know and love, but somethin is just different. I think its the fact that we are growing up, maturing bit by bit, gradually becoming older day by day. We still goof off and are outgoing, we are just a little wiser and a little more mature than when we first met. And it's nice. I was really happy to be able to hang out with her, and talk with her so at Mc Donalds. I miss her so much cuz she works a lot, and I have clubs and school...and it's just really hard sometimes. I see her in US history everyday, but we cant just break loose in that class and goof off or talk really. Im really glad she is one of my best friends. We went back to school and met up with her ma so she could order her class ring. She's really excited about it. As for me, eh, the offer stands...but Im not really interested in it. Im not really the ring type besides my birth stone ring. But even that, I only wear it out of habit. I wore it for my Godmother cuz she got it for me one christmas...and after that...I just kinda needed it on my finger to feel whole. Im not one who can just wear a piece of jewelry for a few days then not anymore...my body notices. And it bugs me...so I need it there to fill that empty space. Maybe my mind will change my senior year. We persuaded Mrs. C to let her stay to watch the AMPS thing that evening. So that was cool. We walked around the school a bit and then hung out outside the drama room. We mostly danced in the hallway to the danceroom music. It was great because we were just breakin it down spontaneously as we were goin down the hall...then all the sudden my cousin comes up behind us and is like "Hi Jenny!" and Im was all WHOA WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GUYS COME FROM??? I wasnt embaressed, just startled. Chyea, I guess my cousin Jessica goes to LCHS instead of Carmel, where her other sister goes. So thats really cool, Jessica rocks. It was funny because I brought Julia up to my cabin on time and my cousins we still leaving when we got there (since we rent our cabins to my other family as well). And Jessica remembered her lol. I remember the last time I went up there, they were just leaving as we were arriving. Just leaving meaning, still 2 hours to go lol. So I got to hang out with the lot of them. And they were like "Where's that girl?" or "Where's your friend?" and I'd be like Julia? and they would be all YEA! Haha cuz when Julia came up, my cousins fell in love with her. One even liked her more than me. Haha I was like ahh dude you're winning over my cousins. So Julia just kinda became part o' the family lol. Anywho, the idea came up about us playing each other. Like, if one of us ever had to play the other as a part or something. We came to the conclusion that dispite our unique qualities and such, it wouldnt really be much different. Or noticeable? I dunno. We are pretty alike, but pretty different. And we were thinkin about if anyone would notice if we played each other for a day. I can't replace her, and she can't replace me, but I must say I am really lucky to know someone that dancin to the same piccalo with me. I like that we're the two craziest peas in a pod. Time came and we had to warm up and stuff. It was tough because im so used to having Julia there to get psyched up with. She still psyched me up tho. I wish we coulda shared the excitement tho. I was really happy she was able to come and support us, it meant a lot to me knowing that she was in the audience. But then it made me sad she was sitting there, watching me in the audience. I wish she was up there with me, performing side by side with me. Like the improv show, we could be a dynamic duo...sharing the lime light light how it's should be...or how I am used to it being. We just accent each other on stage...and I miss glancin over and seein her right up there with me, just as happy as I am. All in all, it was still a rush performing. A solo rush, but still amazing. My parents were really proud of me and my on the spot thinking..i felt good. I had so much fun performing, we have a swell group. Before the thing, I gave Kaitlen the song I wrote her. And before we performed, we tried to rap it like rappin chad lol. I have so much fun with these guys, its unbelievable. And I love Kaitlen, she is such a wonderful and sweet friend. How lucky am I to be friends with her? Luckier than the man on the moon! HOw happy does she make the world? Happier than any money can buy. If one were to meet Kaitlen one day...then on the same day win the bazillion dollar lotto...and later if someone were to ask how lucky they were that day...the fellow would respond "Lucky enough to meet one of the most amazing people in the world, that makes my life all the more happier with her added to it." And you notice they didnt speak anything of the fact they are the bazillion dollar lotto winner...because none of that matters. These special people you happen to meet in life are worth a hell of a lot more than a bazillion dollars. And such people bring a lot more joy than any money can buy. I am ever so lucky to have Kaitlen in my life, where everyday I can come to school and have all the more reason to smile. If only the rest of the world were that lucky...but for now they only wish to meet someone like you on the train someday...to at least make small conversation with; Kaitlen: "Hows life?" Stranger: "Thank you for asking now, because minutes ago I would have bitterly stated 'barely worth my time or contemplation...' But now that I've met you, I must say, I dont know what i was thinking. For, if there are people like you inhabiting this earth, its pretty wonderful. I can get by knowing that simple fact, and the rest doesnt matter." REally. Please smile, lovely Kaitlen =) I heart you so. Jenny at 8:08 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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