Her Smiling Eyes

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Sometimes, I just have things to say...and the words just cease to form. The feelings are there and I try to describe them, but as far as I can see, it's like a mute desperately trying to speak.

Yesterday (Friday) was a very good day. I forgot my wake-up drink again for Earth Science. Grr. At least I know I have the opprotunity to have one. I will just have to remember to get some hot chocolate before class next time.

Word problem day in math class. It's much easier with matricies. And matricies are much easier with calculators. It could almost be illegal. But amazing. I am still wowed by the power of the calculator.

I really multitasked in F4L today. I was on an eliptical machine, reading my book, listening to my CD player, and every so often looking up to see what was happening on Mowry. The only struggle to that was keeping my pages down. But rock on, I usually suck at the whole multitasking deal (like driving, putting on my turn signal and checking my blindspot and changing lanes without swirving everywhere...)

Drama class was really nice today. Gracie gave me this card she made me and I was surprised because I wasn't expecting it. What she wrote on the inside really blew me away. Seriously, I was about to cry. It's one thing to get something unexpected, but it's another just to read what the card says. That was about the nicest thing I have ever recieved in my life. If only words could describe how much that made my day. But any choice words I could think of would only be an understatement.
Gracie, I love you so so much. It is one thing to know you, but to have you as my friend is a gift that gets greater day by day. I am so lucky to have you in my life, you mean the world to me. There are always more reasons to love you. Thank you for brightening my life.

Shehorn liked my skit. Shocking, since I didn't really know all my lines. I guess it gave me more room to act and improvise, making it realistic. And I showed my vulnerability...sigh. I wasn't even really acting when I was up there. One of my lines was "Because I can't stand living by myself......because I'm lonely that's why." And I am. I would much rather live with someone and struggle to find a compromise due to our diverse lifestyles than ever walk into an empty house alone. It doesn't matter how many friends you have because friends do go home sometime. And there you are again. One. To be able to live with someone and wake up to friendly company each morning, go through life, then come home to them...to share a home with them...life would be much more enjoyable. You always have that person to look forward to.

But anyway, he says I did good. I was really happy considering the last time he really went in on me and made me feel like shit. He made it like I regained my reputation as an actress saying that what I was missing before, I had now. I finally clicked. Good to know.

Commons was a lot of fun. I had to read still and finish this packet for english. I hate having to do homework at lunch. That is usually my time just to veg out and enjoy my friends. But I couldnt. I had to focus. Brittany was happy today though. That made me happy. She kept making me laugh cuz I was reading my book and she was looking at me read and I would keep laughing because she was laughing.

English was alright. We got to discuss in groups and we read the end of Act 4 together. I read the part of Elizabeth. Ugh, I wish we were doing this in drama because I felt like really getting into it. I felt like acting her out. But I didnt. No one in my english class would appreciate it, they would just be weirded out. I couldnt get in the mood to do it if I knew I wasnt going to be taked seriously and no one else play along. So instead, I had fun saying it really mechanically. No expression, and laughter at all the wrong times. I was laughing mostly because Jamie would start laughing, and it would just so happen be at the time someone was getting hanged or tortured.

Aced a quiz in History. Took some random pictures and doodled to pass the time. I was absorbing everything he was saying, I was just really restless. I am proud to say I now having an 89% in that class due to the fact I have had perfect attendance so far. 10 pts extra credit. Half a letter grade I do believe. Score!

Erin picked me up and we went to Vickie's to help her price. Chyea, that got old really fast lol. We ended up mostly just hanging out. I got some sweet gorilla slippers that make noise, plaid wool shorts, and a mini piano. I had some more mocha milk...mmmm....soy milk with mocha. And I had a turkey sammich with mustard. After I ate the sammich, I saw pickles and suddenly my mouth tasted like pickles. I almost came to believe I already ate some pickles but then I realized the taste was mustard. Then I wondered if mustard tasted like pickles. I was really hyper. So was Chani. We were really hyper.

We went to the concert at Venetian. Nostalgia. Last time I was at the Venetian, it was the last week of school. Erin and I went together. The Softest Sound, Digital Kill, AMMI, Braille, and I forgot any others played. This time, Softest Sound and Digital Kill played, but the other bands I didn't know of yet. I really enjoyed The Last Broadcast. I got their CD. I think they are better live though. There are only a few bands I know of that can be really good live and on CD, and they are not one of them. You have to be in the moment to fully experience and appreciate this particular band. I know that if I would have heard the CD first, I would have thought twice before buying the CD.

I really enjoyed hanging out with everyone that night. I fell in love with music all over again. My love for music was refreshed, the appreciation for it replenished...I am grateful. I am really blessed that I am not deaf. I would not know where to find this joy. I would be empty. What would fill my soul? Braille? Haha that's kind of ironic...consindering that it's also a band...but really. It was a really good show last night. It was my first show back since my last one at the beginning of summer.

What really made the experience was not just the music, but the people. The energy at the show was really mellow, yet alive. I thought about how we all had something in common. We all came for the same thing. We all came for the music, as well as the company. I loved how I could close my eyes, and picture/feel the music. I would close my eyes and I could picture the drums being hit in slow motion, I could see the strings of the guitar being strum slowly- each vibration, I could feel the bass in my chest...humming side by side with my heart. I love how I would open my eyes and look around, and would see people I love...hearing the same music and wondering what they are thinking. And I would look at their expressions and try to read them. Last night, I was just looking around and smiling, because I was happy. I wasn't as hyper as I usually am but I was absorbing everything. I just fell in love with life again. After a long day, this is how I wanted to relax. I love music, because it brings people together. I am really glad we were together last night. Great end to a great day.

Oh yea lol, I was playing Cone Ball (a game some of my friends made up where we take one of those little orange cones and try and get it into the basketball hoop. But the thing is, you have to put it in a very unique way) outside with Tim, Sean, and this other kid I don't know yet. So I went to do a nifty switch lay up, (meaning that the cone starts off in my left hand but while im in the air, i switch it to my right hand and throw it into the hoop), and as I am landing...my right leg decides to give out on me. Lots of fun there. I swear, it's enough having trick knees but to have your whole leg give out on you when you expect to land steady, it was like I had a collapsable leg. So I fell and twisted my right ankle, killed my left knee and opened a pre-made scrape, and hurt my hand.

Chyea...so I just sat on the ground for a while because for a few moments there, I felt paralyzed from knees down. My legs just gave me a big ol' "Fuck you Jen, you are not getting up". Eventually though, I did get up and managed to limp around and walk it off a bit. I was flippin bleedin like I was in Nam though, because since I already had a scab on my left knee...when i fell on it, it opened really easily and had no problem gushin blood crazy. Not so much like crazy but it was drippin down my leg and very very gross. But Manda fixed me and made the blood go away. And she helped my scab form. Mmmm...pain feels good lol. Then Gracie came and band-aided me. Thank you both for fixing me up. And holdin my hand when it stung real bad lol.

Oh my. How am I going to survive giving blood this week lol. Just when I think I can tough it out, I get an owwie and fixing it hurts. But hurt is bearable when you have a hand.

I should be getting to bed. I gotta be up at about 7:30am tomorrow for the garage sale. Yikes.
I love you. Good night.

Jenny at 4:30 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Saturday, October 23, 2004 Sometimes, I just have things to say...and the words just cease to form. The feelings are there and I try to describe them, but as far as I can see, it's like a mute desperately trying to speak. Yesterday (Friday) was a very good day. I forgot my wake-up drink again for Earth Science. Grr. At least I know I have the opprotunity to have one. I will just have to remember to get some hot chocolate before class next time. Word problem day in math class. It's much easier with matricies. And matricies are much easier with calculators. It could almost be illegal. But amazing. I am still wowed by the power of the calculator. I really multitasked in F4L today. I was on an eliptical machine, reading my book, listening to my CD player, and every so often looking up to see what was happening on Mowry. The only struggle to that was keeping my pages down. But rock on, I usually suck at the whole multitasking deal (like driving, putting on my turn signal and checking my blindspot and changing lanes without swirving everywhere...) Drama class was really nice today. Gracie gave me this card she made me and I was surprised because I wasn't expecting it. What she wrote on the inside really blew me away. Seriously, I was about to cry. It's one thing to get something unexpected, but it's another just to read what the card says. That was about the nicest thing I have ever recieved in my life. If only words could describe how much that made my day. But any choice words I could think of would only be an understatement. Gracie, I love you so so much. It is one thing to know you, but to have you as my friend is a gift that gets greater day by day. I am so lucky to have you in my life, you mean the world to me. There are always more reasons to love you. Thank you for brightening my life. Shehorn liked my skit. Shocking, since I didn't really know all my lines. I guess it gave me more room to act and improvise, making it realistic. And I showed my vulnerability...sigh. I wasn't even really acting when I was up there. One of my lines was "Because I can't stand living by myself......because I'm lonely that's why." And I am. I would much rather live with someone and struggle to find a compromise due to our diverse lifestyles than ever walk into an empty house alone. It doesn't matter how many friends you have because friends do go home sometime. And there you are again. One. To be able to live with someone and wake up to friendly company each morning, go through life, then come home to them...to share a home with them...life would be much more enjoyable. You always have that person to look forward to. But anyway, he says I did good. I was really happy considering the last time he really went in on me and made me feel like shit. He made it like I regained my reputation as an actress saying that what I was missing before, I had now. I finally clicked. Good to know. Commons was a lot of fun. I had to read still and finish this packet for english. I hate having to do homework at lunch. That is usually my time just to veg out and enjoy my friends. But I couldnt. I had to focus. Brittany was happy today though. That made me happy. She kept making me laugh cuz I was reading my book and she was looking at me read and I would keep laughing because she was laughing. English was alright. We got to discuss in groups and we read the end of Act 4 together. I read the part of Elizabeth. Ugh, I wish we were doing this in drama because I felt like really getting into it. I felt like acting her out. But I didnt. No one in my english class would appreciate it, they would just be weirded out. I couldnt get in the mood to do it if I knew I wasnt going to be taked seriously and no one else play along. So instead, I had fun saying it really mechanically. No expression, and laughter at all the wrong times. I was laughing mostly because Jamie would start laughing, and it would just so happen be at the time someone was getting hanged or tortured. Aced a quiz in History. Took some random pictures and doodled to pass the time. I was absorbing everything he was saying, I was just really restless. I am proud to say I now having an 89% in that class due to the fact I have had perfect attendance so far. 10 pts extra credit. Half a letter grade I do believe. Score! Erin picked me up and we went to Vickie's to help her price. Chyea, that got old really fast lol. We ended up mostly just hanging out. I got some sweet gorilla slippers that make noise, plaid wool shorts, and a mini piano. I had some more mocha milk...mmmm....soy milk with mocha. And I had a turkey sammich with mustard. After I ate the sammich, I saw pickles and suddenly my mouth tasted like pickles. I almost came to believe I already ate some pickles but then I realized the taste was mustard. Then I wondered if mustard tasted like pickles. I was really hyper. So was Chani. We were really hyper. We went to the concert at Venetian. Nostalgia. Last time I was at the Venetian, it was the last week of school. Erin and I went together. The Softest Sound, Digital Kill, AMMI, Braille, and I forgot any others played. This time, Softest Sound and Digital Kill played, but the other bands I didn't know of yet. I really enjoyed The Last Broadcast. I got their CD. I think they are better live though. There are only a few bands I know of that can be really good live and on CD, and they are not one of them. You have to be in the moment to fully experience and appreciate this particular band. I know that if I would have heard the CD first, I would have thought twice before buying the CD. I really enjoyed hanging out with everyone that night. I fell in love with music all over again. My love for music was refreshed, the appreciation for it replenished...I am grateful. I am really blessed that I am not deaf. I would not know where to find this joy. I would be empty. What would fill my soul? Braille? Haha that's kind of ironic...consindering that it's also a band...but really. It was a really good show last night. It was my first show back since my last one at the beginning of summer. What really made the experience was not just the music, but the people. The energy at the show was really mellow, yet alive. I thought about how we all had something in common. We all came for the same thing. We all came for the music, as well as the company. I loved how I could close my eyes, and picture/feel the music. I would close my eyes and I could picture the drums being hit in slow motion, I could see the strings of the guitar being strum slowly- each vibration, I could feel the bass in my chest...humming side by side with my heart. I love how I would open my eyes and look around, and would see people I love...hearing the same music and wondering what they are thinking. And I would look at their expressions and try to read them. Last night, I was just looking around and smiling, because I was happy. I wasn't as hyper as I usually am but I was absorbing everything. I just fell in love with life again. After a long day, this is how I wanted to relax. I love music, because it brings people together. I am really glad we were together last night. Great end to a great day. Oh yea lol, I was playing Cone Ball (a game some of my friends made up where we take one of those little orange cones and try and get it into the basketball hoop. But the thing is, you have to put it in a very unique way) outside with Tim, Sean, and this other kid I don't know yet. So I went to do a nifty switch lay up, (meaning that the cone starts off in my left hand but while im in the air, i switch it to my right hand and throw it into the hoop), and as I am landing...my right leg decides to give out on me. Lots of fun there. I swear, it's enough having trick knees but to have your whole leg give out on you when you expect to land steady, it was like I had a collapsable leg. So I fell and twisted my right ankle, killed my left knee and opened a pre-made scrape, and hurt my hand. Chyea...so I just sat on the ground for a while because for a few moments there, I felt paralyzed from knees down. My legs just gave me a big ol' "Fuck you Jen, you are not getting up". Eventually though, I did get up and managed to limp around and walk it off a bit. I was flippin bleedin like I was in Nam though, because since I already had a scab on my left knee...when i fell on it, it opened really easily and had no problem gushin blood crazy. Not so much like crazy but it was drippin down my leg and very very gross. But Manda fixed me and made the blood go away. And she helped my scab form. Mmmm...pain feels good lol. Then Gracie came and band-aided me. Thank you both for fixing me up. And holdin my hand when it stung real bad lol. Oh my. How am I going to survive giving blood this week lol. Just when I think I can tough it out, I get an owwie and fixing it hurts. But hurt is bearable when you have a hand. I should be getting to bed. I gotta be up at about 7:30am tomorrow for the garage sale. Yikes. I love you. Good night. Jenny at 4:30 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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