Her Smiling Eyes

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

This is about no one or nothing in particular. This is just me relating things so I dont feel so alone. Due to my current issues and such, i've been feeling really alone. But then I made this realization and I think twice before I consider that. I was actually in a decent mood when I wrote this, I was feeling relieved. I decided to put this in my blog too from my other site.

I like reading people's xangas. I read all my friends, then I read any interesting names on their links. Yes, I have no life.

But I really think people should consider doing that from time to time.

I have come to a realization. It's something I have always known in the back of my mind but I never really fully realized it. I mean it didnt kick in until just now.

We are all but simple humans. We are like ants on an ant farm. When you break it down, we are all the same. We are all blind to the future, we can't really controll what happens. It's hard to explain.

It's just that, no matter what problems we face, there is always someone else with their own problem. A big problem to you will seem like nothing once you take into consideration what someone else's big problem is, what they have to face.

And somehow, no matter who you are or how much you know a person, there is this compassion. At least for me there is. There is this compassion i have for people because they are living life just as I am. There is just this generalization. I could be feeling like shit right now but then I think about all the other people around me, ones that I see everyday and think are okay.. when they are feeling just as shitty.

Hell, they could be going through something similar to what I am. And when you think about how everyone has advice for things generally, you think about how they must have been through it before as well. And you think about how they got through it. It's possible. Life goes on, you get stronger.

Everyone is just placed on this earth as equals...and they are just as screwed as the next one trying to figure out life. Not everyone is happy. Everyone else may seem happy, but deep in the inside...most the time they really arent. Not in a pessamistic way its just that over time, humans become pretty good actors.

At least I have become a pretty good actor. I feel that the humorous, outgoing Jen is a lot easier to deal with than the sensitive, serious Jen. And it's true. I am one to give people what they want. It's much easier for me to be happy and bottle up the sad in the inside than to go out and show it. I always seem happy on the outside and most of the time I really am happy.

But on the inside, I will always have some sort of sad in me...whether i feel it or not. There will always be something I'm hiding, something that I wont share because Im just afraid to. I cant share certain feelings because then I feel vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable.

I think about all the people I see, and instead of assuming that they are realy happy due to the smile on their face...I reconsider. Maybe they are acting just like me. And suddenly I dont feel so alone...suddenly I feel that it's a group effort.

Life is a group effort, we all need each other. We all endure pain, we all have our problems, but we all eventually get over it. We work it out and become stronger. We grow everyday with each of life's obstacles. No matter how alone one can feel in a situation, they arent. No one may be around them to relate, but somewhere in this world, there is someone who is dealing with a problem similar to theirs or even be in a worse position.

We're all helpless. All we have is each other to get by, to help aid us in life. We all gather the things that we learned from past experiences and share it, willingly, in order to protect each other from that same pain. It's called advice and people are more than willing to share it.

It's really comforting in my mind, to realize this. For once I dont feel so alone. For once I feel really small yet infinite. Insignificant yet important. Sometimes you have to realize that you are only one of the ka-zillions of people in this world. You, just like everyone else, are living and breathing, taking on life day by day. And knowing that there are a ka-zillion more people, living, breathing, feeling out there...there are prolly millions of other people with this empty feeling inside of them...and they can feel it just as well as I can.

I know I'm prolly not the only one staring out the window right now, watching the leaves blow in the wind and thinking about... just things running through my mind...I know I'm prolly not the only one comforted by this view of life...looking outside of a window and watching time go by as the wind blows...watching the leaves change, fall, decompose for future regrowth.

Life is always happening, it always moves on.

I will be okay. I will move on. It is in my nature to do so. Just as it is a tree's nature to change it's colors in the fall.

Jenny at 10:41 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 This is about no one or nothing in particular. This is just me relating things so I dont feel so alone. Due to my current issues and such, i've been feeling really alone. But then I made this realization and I think twice before I consider that. I was actually in a decent mood when I wrote this, I was feeling relieved. I decided to put this in my blog too from my other site. I like reading people's xangas. I read all my friends, then I read any interesting names on their links. Yes, I have no life. But I really think people should consider doing that from time to time. I have come to a realization. It's something I have always known in the back of my mind but I never really fully realized it. I mean it didnt kick in until just now. We are all but simple humans. We are like ants on an ant farm. When you break it down, we are all the same. We are all blind to the future, we can't really controll what happens. It's hard to explain. It's just that, no matter what problems we face, there is always someone else with their own problem. A big problem to you will seem like nothing once you take into consideration what someone else's big problem is, what they have to face. And somehow, no matter who you are or how much you know a person, there is this compassion. At least for me there is. There is this compassion i have for people because they are living life just as I am. There is just this generalization. I could be feeling like shit right now but then I think about all the other people around me, ones that I see everyday and think are okay.. when they are feeling just as shitty. Hell, they could be going through something similar to what I am. And when you think about how everyone has advice for things generally, you think about how they must have been through it before as well. And you think about how they got through it. It's possible. Life goes on, you get stronger. Everyone is just placed on this earth as equals...and they are just as screwed as the next one trying to figure out life. Not everyone is happy. Everyone else may seem happy, but deep in the inside...most the time they really arent. Not in a pessamistic way its just that over time, humans become pretty good actors. At least I have become a pretty good actor. I feel that the humorous, outgoing Jen is a lot easier to deal with than the sensitive, serious Jen. And it's true. I am one to give people what they want. It's much easier for me to be happy and bottle up the sad in the inside than to go out and show it. I always seem happy on the outside and most of the time I really am happy. But on the inside, I will always have some sort of sad in me...whether i feel it or not. There will always be something I'm hiding, something that I wont share because Im just afraid to. I cant share certain feelings because then I feel vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. I think about all the people I see, and instead of assuming that they are realy happy due to the smile on their face...I reconsider. Maybe they are acting just like me. And suddenly I dont feel so alone...suddenly I feel that it's a group effort. Life is a group effort, we all need each other. We all endure pain, we all have our problems, but we all eventually get over it. We work it out and become stronger. We grow everyday with each of life's obstacles. No matter how alone one can feel in a situation, they arent. No one may be around them to relate, but somewhere in this world, there is someone who is dealing with a problem similar to theirs or even be in a worse position. We're all helpless. All we have is each other to get by, to help aid us in life. We all gather the things that we learned from past experiences and share it, willingly, in order to protect each other from that same pain. It's called advice and people are more than willing to share it. It's really comforting in my mind, to realize this. For once I dont feel so alone. For once I feel really small yet infinite. Insignificant yet important. Sometimes you have to realize that you are only one of the ka-zillions of people in this world. You, just like everyone else, are living and breathing, taking on life day by day. And knowing that there are a ka-zillion more people, living, breathing, feeling out there...there are prolly millions of other people with this empty feeling inside of them...and they can feel it just as well as I can. I know I'm prolly not the only one staring out the window right now, watching the leaves blow in the wind and thinking about... just things running through my mind...I know I'm prolly not the only one comforted by this view of life...looking outside of a window and watching time go by as the wind blows...watching the leaves change, fall, decompose for future regrowth. Life is always happening, it always moves on. I will be okay. I will move on. It is in my nature to do so. Just as it is a tree's nature to change it's colors in the fall. Jenny at 10:41 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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