Her Smiling Eyes

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Hey kids, it's been a long time since the last writing. I've had some drafts that I never seemed to finish, but it's all old right now.

I regret not being able to document a lot of the stuff that has been going on, I'm really experiencing a lot of new stuff. Im really learning a lot about myself as well.

Now it may come to a shocker, but with the whole unorganized lifestyle and maybe ADD (who the hell knows anymore...), my counsler suggested outside counsling. For once, my parents listened to that and followed through.

We found an outside counsler for me...except it's a psychatrist. Wow. Sounds a little different from just an outside counsler...and somehow it makes me feel even more helpless.

Not only am I unnable to sort out my problems myself, but I need someone to assist me in doing so. For being someone who finds it so hard to confront problems and conflicts (especially their own), now I find it an obligation to do so.

I'm really scared. Really really scared. I have trouble even telling my friends when something is up...I go as far as writing it down instead of saying it myself. I just can't admit these things. I can't admit when something doesnt go right.

But the objective is, I have to learn. There are so many new things I have to learn now. Which is also scary, it all seems derastic. Life altering. I was brought up doing these things, thinking the way I do, dealing with things the way I do...now I have to learn a new way.

Sigh. Well, I am always up for improving myself. I guess i can only get better, cant really get worse.

I'm really glad I am optimistic. That helps me right now. I can only think of the good out of all this. And that is my well being. Maybe my outcome will be new and improved.

I wanna thank those who are there for me. It really means a lot to me. What also means a lot is that no one is making this a big deal. I am still finding it hard to admit. Damn pride.

My ma is proud of me though. I asked her why (cause I really dont think I've done anything to be proud of, especially nowadays) and she said the fact that I am stepping up, facing this head on. She understands how I dont like to admit these things, and she liked that fact that I moved past that and spoke up.

I love how no matter how big of a failure I think I am becoming, my ma can still find reason to be proud of me. It really means a lot to me, she is a large portion of my will to become new and improved. It means a lot that she can see past my flaws and mistakes and understand me. I love her so much. I will work hard in improving just so she can become more and more proud of me. Her praise and proudness makes anything worth it.

Anywho, first psycho meeting tomorrow at 4pm. Sigh. The beginning.
I hope the lady is nice.
And hey, I can study her. I am very interested it psychology. I will just pretend I am career shadowing.

I hope she is friendly enough where we can become friends. It would be easier if we were friends. I can talk easier with friends. I may still get shy about confrontations, but I will do it for a friend over anyone else. And new friends rock. So I hope I grow a new friend.

I shopped in Megggily's closet. Borrowing her pretty dress and meshy red skirt. It will be pretty. I hope it still is pretty when I am in it lol.

The Forgotten = freaky deaky dude. Not scary, shocking and disturbing.

Twisted Cow = 2 free icecreams because of my sweet jook ups lol

Matt+ Jenny= happy heart

Brittni was absent yesterday. I was sad.

I ollied a scooter today. O'Conner got all maternal lol. She flipped out and said I could have broken something useful. She's such a secret mom, I swear lol. I bet she is going to be the coolest soccer mom if and when she has kids. That would be great, because she rocks the motivation. She helped train me to get that 9:18 mile, physically and mentally.

Most of the mentallity was my own though. I just think about how proud I will be, and how other people may be proud of me.

I love you guys. If there is anything thats keepin me going and optimistic, it is you kids. Individually, you all make such a difference in my life. Such positive impacts, your footprints prance across my heart ever so gracefully. There is always reason to smile with friends like you. There is always goodness in a day when you are consisted in it.

I 'bled' chocolate again today. I smiled really big. I love how little things can branch off with loads of connections to other things...so therefore, when you come about the little thing...its not so little anymore. The connections make it bigger and more important. I like having lots of little connections to things. It makes life more interesting.

I am really full of love. Well, not necessarily full, I always have room for more. But like overflowing. I hope you kids don't mind my extra hugs and apprectiation. It never hurts ya know? Im seem to be extra affectionate lately.

I want pie. Apple, strawberry rhubarb, french silk, I dont care. Icecream or none to warm it up...I dont care. I want pie.

I also want to sleep. Man do I wanna sleep right now. Someone come over and spoon me lol.

Making teeshirts tomorrow for F4L, kick ass.
Kira is cool. She was on my scooter team. Second time she ran me into a wall though. The pain, ow. I've concluded that me + wheels = some sort of bruise. Hence the purple knees. Hardcore battle wounds...heck yes

Who knew Ritz Bitz crackers could bring so much joy? Especially the peanut butter kind. Oooooh...creamy goodness. And protein galore! ::cracks neck obnoxiously::

Time finish homework.

I love you. Have a lovely rest of the day =D

Jenny at 8:42 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004 Hey kids, it's been a long time since the last writing. I've had some drafts that I never seemed to finish, but it's all old right now. I regret not being able to document a lot of the stuff that has been going on, I'm really experiencing a lot of new stuff. Im really learning a lot about myself as well. Now it may come to a shocker, but with the whole unorganized lifestyle and maybe ADD (who the hell knows anymore...), my counsler suggested outside counsling. For once, my parents listened to that and followed through. We found an outside counsler for me...except it's a psychatrist. Wow. Sounds a little different from just an outside counsler...and somehow it makes me feel even more helpless. Not only am I unnable to sort out my problems myself, but I need someone to assist me in doing so. For being someone who finds it so hard to confront problems and conflicts (especially their own), now I find it an obligation to do so. I'm really scared. Really really scared. I have trouble even telling my friends when something is up...I go as far as writing it down instead of saying it myself. I just can't admit these things. I can't admit when something doesnt go right. But the objective is, I have to learn. There are so many new things I have to learn now. Which is also scary, it all seems derastic. Life altering. I was brought up doing these things, thinking the way I do, dealing with things the way I do...now I have to learn a new way. Sigh. Well, I am always up for improving myself. I guess i can only get better, cant really get worse. I'm really glad I am optimistic. That helps me right now. I can only think of the good out of all this. And that is my well being. Maybe my outcome will be new and improved. I wanna thank those who are there for me. It really means a lot to me. What also means a lot is that no one is making this a big deal. I am still finding it hard to admit. Damn pride. My ma is proud of me though. I asked her why (cause I really dont think I've done anything to be proud of, especially nowadays) and she said the fact that I am stepping up, facing this head on. She understands how I dont like to admit these things, and she liked that fact that I moved past that and spoke up. I love how no matter how big of a failure I think I am becoming, my ma can still find reason to be proud of me. It really means a lot to me, she is a large portion of my will to become new and improved. It means a lot that she can see past my flaws and mistakes and understand me. I love her so much. I will work hard in improving just so she can become more and more proud of me. Her praise and proudness makes anything worth it. Anywho, first psycho meeting tomorrow at 4pm. Sigh. The beginning. I hope the lady is nice. And hey, I can study her. I am very interested it psychology. I will just pretend I am career shadowing. I hope she is friendly enough where we can become friends. It would be easier if we were friends. I can talk easier with friends. I may still get shy about confrontations, but I will do it for a friend over anyone else. And new friends rock. So I hope I grow a new friend. I shopped in Megggily's closet. Borrowing her pretty dress and meshy red skirt. It will be pretty. I hope it still is pretty when I am in it lol. The Forgotten = freaky deaky dude. Not scary, shocking and disturbing. Twisted Cow = 2 free icecreams because of my sweet jook ups lol Matt+ Jenny= happy heart Brittni was absent yesterday. I was sad. I ollied a scooter today. O'Conner got all maternal lol. She flipped out and said I could have broken something useful. She's such a secret mom, I swear lol. I bet she is going to be the coolest soccer mom if and when she has kids. That would be great, because she rocks the motivation. She helped train me to get that 9:18 mile, physically and mentally. Most of the mentallity was my own though. I just think about how proud I will be, and how other people may be proud of me. I love you guys. If there is anything thats keepin me going and optimistic, it is you kids. Individually, you all make such a difference in my life. Such positive impacts, your footprints prance across my heart ever so gracefully. There is always reason to smile with friends like you. There is always goodness in a day when you are consisted in it. I 'bled' chocolate again today. I smiled really big. I love how little things can branch off with loads of connections to other things...so therefore, when you come about the little thing...its not so little anymore. The connections make it bigger and more important. I like having lots of little connections to things. It makes life more interesting. I am really full of love. Well, not necessarily full, I always have room for more. But like overflowing. I hope you kids don't mind my extra hugs and apprectiation. It never hurts ya know? Im seem to be extra affectionate lately. I want pie. Apple, strawberry rhubarb, french silk, I dont care. Icecream or none to warm it up...I dont care. I want pie. I also want to sleep. Man do I wanna sleep right now. Someone come over and spoon me lol. Making teeshirts tomorrow for F4L, kick ass. Kira is cool. She was on my scooter team. Second time she ran me into a wall though. The pain, ow. I've concluded that me + wheels = some sort of bruise. Hence the purple knees. Hardcore battle wounds...heck yes Who knew Ritz Bitz crackers could bring so much joy? Especially the peanut butter kind. Oooooh...creamy goodness. And protein galore! ::cracks neck obnoxiously:: Time finish homework. I love you. Have a lovely rest of the day =D Jenny at 8:42 PM Comments: Post a Comment
a product of maystar designs. modified by carly