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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I wonder if fish take the opprotunity to explore the ocean at it's fullest. Surely, it might be dangerous and life threatening, but I believe it would be very worthwhile. Fish shouldn't worry about being eaten. They should instead worry about dying before they get to see the whole ocean. I'm sure that is not the only damper to their parade of life. Some other reasons why they must remain in the same vicinities are most likely vegetation, habitat, etc. I guess fish would also appreciate a home like structure in their life instead of moving around. You are not promised a home, food, decent community, or familiararity if you keep moving. But it gets so monotonous staying. There would have to be some sacrafices for experiencing that new scenery and exploration. The world is so big, right now it seems so worth it. I discovered this analogy the other day with a picture I have. You look at it and feel so incredibly tiny, so insignificant. Though I do like that feeling most the time and find comfort in it, there also comes frusteration. I think of it this way, it is much harder for an ant to travel from one side of the world to the other than maybe a giant bird. Scratch that, a huge elephant. The bird would not only be big but have unfair flying advantages. Sometimes I feel like one of the ants. But currently I am feeling like the fish I was discussing earlier. Either way, I am still small and helpless. And all these other things have control over me. There are so many but's in my life right now, I wish I could scratch them all out in one single swoop. Such as, I wish I was able to write in my journals more freely and frequently, but I have homework to consume my life. I wish I was able to go outside more, experience the brisk fall air and enjoy nature...but I cant. I have to remain inside because of homework. I wish that I could read for my own joy during my free time, with a book I choose to read...but instead, I have to read what the school requires me to read. And even then I am not able to fully experience the novel because I have to do other homework. I wish I could live, just plain as day...live freely and be able to experience the feelings and beauties that come with life. But, I have to live under the blanket of school which suffocates me from the world as a whole and life as its happening. I wish I could focus but I just cant. I cant focus on just one thing when there are so many things happening in life. It would be like following a marble through traffic and not being allowed to look at anything but the marble. I wish I was brave enough to love with all my heart and not just some of it, I wish I was brave enough to show more of my affection, I wish I knew how to love without hurting anybody, I wish I knew how it felt to be in love and actually be loved back...but I cant. I have such an unexperienced heart and my mind is so naive yet so wise. My head and my heart clash so much that if my heart has to hold in anymore love, there is no doubt it will explode and never materialize again. I am such a softie and it will just become more and more apparent as I slowly melt into mush. I have so much love, so much love to give...and there is no where for it to go. If only my heart were candy, then I would hold a universal parade and throw it out to everyone and bring joy to the world. Of course, the damper of the parade would be that it wouldnt help the obesity crisis we are enduring... Okay, confetti. I would get in a hot air balloon and distribute it all over the world...bring color to this dreary gray world. My heart is so full of love And it wants so badly to come out But I am too timid to emit such a thing especially when it's so dear to me Yet who am I to keep it to myself? I'll close my eyes and look away, open up for you to see Wont you gently remove my heart from captivity? Tear away at the seams Let the poor fellow breathe for once And let it bleed my purest feelings. Walk away with the reddest hands Murder, one would assume But you just discovered new life So rich it would be impossible to presume 
I really hope I've stained your hands Please don't hide them if it be true (pay no attention to what the picture says) I want you to remember everyday How much I truly love you. Adieu and good night You know I love you. But I'll remind you. Because I dont mind. I love you. And it still holds true. (This is one of those instances where I roll my eyes at myself...::rolls eyes:: ugh I feel like mashed potatos...so mushy...) Jenny at 10:34 PM
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