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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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| her smiling eyes | ||
| this is your cue. smile. |
Today was not so good. I got to school...wondering if I spoke yet that morning. Clearly, I spoke at breakfast, and I spoke on the bus...but for some reason, I forgot. I suppose it was because I was so silent. I was really quiet on and off today.
I am really confused. It would be comforting if I could just talk to someone, someone who could relate. It would be easier if I could talk. I wish I were comfortable with myself, so maybe I could be comfortable around other people. I am quite the clam. I just close up when I get scared/nervous/uncomfortable. I'm just scared. Just a scared little girl. It's like I am in a corn maze while really disoriented. I am desperately trying to find my way out but it seems helpless. And I want to ask for help but I can't find anyone, or those I do find don't speak the same language as me. So I am aimlessly walking around, getting deeper and deeper in the confusion with every turn. I close my eyes in fear of where my feet may take me. Whether off a cliff, or out of the maze, I would be terrified what I may face because I just dont know. I dont know what I might face when I open my eyes. The idea of not knowing something really frightens me. The fact I dont know...it frightens me and confuses me because I dont even know what to expect out of my actions. I dont know what will come of me opening up to people. Will I crumble with this new vulnerability? Will the outcome crush me again? Will I ever have the courage to fully open up to the people I care about? Will I ever let them see all the sides of me? We'll see. For once, I'll just leave it at will see and find contentment in that. I don't know. NOBODY knows. I find some comfort in that. As for current situations of longing, I shall always long. I will forever be infatuated. There is just no denying that. For once, I sat and thought, and thought for a very long time...and I turn out better than when I started thinking. The challenge is, when the situation strikes again...and it dangled right in front of me...can I tolerate it? I will open up. I will set myself free from my own chains. Now, to find a good listener. 
Jenny at 6:55 PM
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