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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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You know that feeling you get after everyone leaves
or maybe you are the one leaving just a simple party or get-together... All that fun in one setting, all those people you like in one place. Then it ends, and everyone goes home or maybe you go home. The withdrawl kicks in quickly and loneliness consumes you Or maybe just me. I always hate that feeling. I s'pose I am a people person at the fullest With this and the previously stated in mind, I realize I could never live alone The lack of another life form in my presence would give me the constant feeling of missing something And the silence within the house would deafen me My biggest fear is simply being alone The amount of vulnerability in that drives me insane I find comfort in the presence of people especially people I know He comes home today. Only for a week or so. I want to see him so bad. I'm so tired of missing him. In and out of my life...sometimes Im scared he will forget to come back in. I was thinking last night about how much we've been though in the span we've been friends. A year of friendship at home brought us close, so close I wasn't afraid to tell him things I usually shy away from. A year of him being away...forcing us apart in many ways...yet still we remain intact all the same in the end. --- I was typing out a long, negative memory I had. I was picking at old wounds...the raging anger was rising once again. Hate was the closest it's ever been to becoming true. The details are not important at this time, in fact they are not important at all. It was only an negative experience that helped mold me who I am today. Just...people like that...should be punished for their selfishness. People like that...are reason enough to why curse words were created. The world needed words created strong enough to curse those people...and I curse them constantly in the dark recesses of my brain. Such people bring potent negativity that poisons my mind...I only hate those who give me much reason to hate...some people are bad, bad people and will remain terrible memories in my infected mind. God damn people like that. Selfish, selfish people. --- I long for him. At least in memory I do. Missing him for so long, I forget all the many reasons I love him. I don't necessarily forget all, but the little reasons that hold together the main reasons. Think of it this way: shattered glass. There are all the pieces to pick up, some larger than others. It is fairly easy to find and pick up the large shards but all the little tiny ones are more difficult to find in a such a situation. He is like my shattered vase. And I am trying to find all the pieces so I can put them back together in hopes it will return to it's original image. What will happen to my heart? It breaks and repairs constantly. It broke when he left and is now more fragile than ever. I have only liked one other boy in the same way since. And those feelings died all too soon. The feelings I have for him...they always seem to return. No matter how much it kills me, they always seem to come back. I try so hard to resist, but you can't keep a heart from loving. Ugh...feelings, feelings, always there. Feelings, feelings, you make me care. Feelings, feelings, some feel so good. Feelings, feelings, I wish these could. Feeling Helpless and Romantic Loving Unconditionally Makes me manic Mistakes I keep making Hopeless risks I keep taking When will I stop This endless cycle? All for a boy by the name of I hope he lands safely. Maybe I'll call him Tomorrow. Fuck you, Jen. You and your Goddam emotions...ughhhhh Do yourself a favor and stop feeling Anger, frusteration, anger, frusteration, anger, frusteration. You're never good enough But there is no 'good enough' when there is no criteria to life, love, liberty. I'm too hard on myself. The truth in that statement doesn't even help the matter. Jenny at 9:46 PM
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