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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I wrote this whole entry on Christmas the day before Christmas Eve and I saved it. But I never put it up because I haven't had a chance to go on much since. Maybe after this post I will.
For Christmas, I got things I enjoy. But the gift that meant the most to me was simply a pretty box containing a blank notebook, photo album, and stationary. What made it so meaningful is that my cousin Doug, who usually leaves the gift giving to my Godmother, gave it to me. It wasn't something you could find on my Christmas list, either. It was just something you would have to know me well in order to know I would appreciate it. I wrote in it the first time last night. I don't know who I was writing to more, myself or my parents. I get really secretive when it comes to my journals, so when I actually write (as in notebook and pen), I hide it and just get all nervous about people finding it. So pretty much I was writing about how insanely private I am. There is irony in that. I'm usually fairly open, but when it comes to my parents...I close up. I don't really know how to let myself be entirely open. With every open door, I close another. Im just so afraid of getting hurt. I have three bad memories that stick out where I opened up to people I thought I could trust. The more I open up, the more vulnerable I get. And with that, certain people took advantage of me. So I walked away and lost a friend. I lost about five friends in those three bad memories total. They were all best friends. But sometimes you need to know when enough is enough. I could have become friends with those people again or stayed friends with them, but there is this part of me where I just cant take it anymore. I just can't do it. It would be like purposely stabbing myself in the heart right after each one of them previously did. So I can't really open up. I try to, maybe not completely but moderately. Anyhow, I wrote about things such like that. Not really. I'll have to read it over to know what exactly it was about. One topic leads to another, thats just how I write. So it was about a lot of things. Just certain stuff on my mind. It's funny, I started out writing how I wasnt planning on writting much in it (new journal), how I would only use it for extreme measures such as the electricity going out or a sudden urge to write in the middle of the night (damn Dr. Seuss rhyming...) Well, five pages later... That's just me. I like to write. There is always something to say. There is literally too much in this universe to keep quiet. The problem is, we just don't contain enough knowledge of these things to speak of them or just simply one just doesn't know how to say it and lacks the wording. I bought myself a gift yesterday, Garden State. I have come to believe that it's so enjoyable because people can relate to it on different levels. Everyone has problems. It is possible just to deal. We learn more and more about ourselves everyday. It's not just one day we discover everything about ourselves. It's a process we go through as live progresses. We find ourselves a little more day by day. No one knows what's ahead. It's just something everyone wonders - what's next? It's a beautiful common bond between everyone. No one knows. Each time I think about that, I just find this incredible comfort. What's next? Jenny at 4:06 PM
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