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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I'm grounded =(
No, not really. Actually, I grounded myself. I was supposed to play today but I did not. And I am supposed to skywatch later... probably will not. The only thing I will do today is my American Dream. Somehow, that is very ironic. My American Dream is how I pursued writing as a career... and look at me...typing away...probably all night... writing, writing, writing. This could be just the start of my real life American Dream. I just never know. I took a rest right now. I layed on the floor a little But I made sure not to fall asleep this time. Last night I made it my goal to write six pages and instead I fell asleep after dinner until 11:21. I fell asleep with my clothes on and I was so frusterated with myself that I napped so late I didn't even put my pj's on. I just took my clothes off and slept like so. Damn me =( I am so angry at myself. I told myself yesterday that if I wrote six pages, I could play today. And when I didn't write six pages, I was uber disappointed. It didn't help I promised Kelsie, my assistant Jenny organizer of life. I feel like not only did I let me down but I let her down. I had the best intentions of doing the six pages last night, I really did. I was really going to do them. Now I just look like a slacker to the maxcore. Because I already was kind of procrastinating and that did not help my cause. I feel shameful and not good feelings. It feels like life cannot go on until I finish this paper. And when I do finish, I will celebrate. I will play. I will skywatch. I will sleep. I will dance. But not in that order. And not now. Now I write. And I type in this blog because currently I dont know how to explain my transition from 'little childcare advisor who earns enough to pay the bills' to 'bringin home the whole damn butcher shop successful children's book author'. Something like that does not happen within a few days. I know this paper is supposed to be my dream, and it very much could happen within a few days if I pleased... But honestly, I want to be realistic. This really is my dream and I don't want to bullshit with it. I don't want to lie and make it like I am so talented I can become well-known and successful within a week or so. I know that in my line of work, it will take time- especially since I am a fictional writer. Fictional writers are not necessary in daily life, they just make life more fun. I know I am probably wracking my brain for no reason on this, but really...I want to write this as if it is portraying my future. It wont happen in a day, and I don't want to make it like it would. Sure, it isn't set in stone that I want to be a children's book author in real life...but whatever I do end up doing- I want to work hard for it and earn it in time. It wont feel as if I earned if it just fell on my lap. So yes, I am getting really into this paper. I am at just about four pages and I havent even gotten into reaching my american dream yet. I am on the verge of diving into that right now. I will probably write a paragraph on how "I knew I made it when..." And I just realized my tea cup was wet on the bottom and it made my outline wet now, too. Well shit. I wish something would go right tonight. Then my uncle just sent me a text message saying "Happy birthday, Mr. Roboto!" and I was just...wtf mate? I mean seriously...my family is weird. I'm sorry if I have been really bleh all week. I've been super stressed and that's no excuss. Today has just been bitch week. I've been bitchin. I've been a bitch. I've felt bitchy. I probably even thought bitchy thoughts. And everything that is lying before me right now I deserve because that's how I set myself up. If it plans worked out like I wished and I did 6 pages last night, I would be done now most likely. No if's, and's or but's, I did this to me. And I am punishing myself. I'm grounded. I'm going back to the drawing board. And I will work my little ass off until I am done with this paper and completely satisfied with it. I mean, it's only my life I am speaking of. I dont plan on just keeling over and dying or else the paper would end right now. And no matter how good that sounds, I want to live. The only changes in my American Dream would be...no husband named Horatio. In fact, no marriage. Let's have my American Dream happen when I am about 25 and I can have either a gigalo or a mistress haha, no kids YET, and live in an apartment between the city and nature/ocean. Everyone should go outside tonight because it is the peak of the meteor shower Eta Aquarids. It should be very beautiful because the moon will not interfere at this time of month. Word is that you can see a meteor every two minutes. I recommend everyone experience it if they can. Or just catch a glimpse of the sky before you go about your business. The sky is infinite...it should relax you. Kiss your loved ones under the star tonight because I wish I could. I miss all the wonderful things in life. Like you. Meteor showers. Infinite skies. And all of the above. Campout. Tomorrow. Anyone in? I'm sleepin outside. Love to all and then some. (I ditched my gym to go to another gym class that was outside because I wanted to be in warm sunshine. Now I feel guilty. I think I will write Rummel an apology letter. Maybe she will let me go to the park with them still. I will run there for her. And I will do push-ups. I've been a bad girl this week. And I am officially a terrible rebel. I will wear my plaid shorts and colorful polka dot shirt tomorrow so I can be happy again. I'm a sad, procrastinating, juvinelle delinquent. Woe is me) Jenny at 8:14 PM
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