|
part with me
|
|
.
|
|
about me
|
|
Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
|
|
. |
| her smiling eyes | ||
| this is your cue. smile. |
I don't want to think about it. It will only make me upset.
I am drinking peach tea and that is all that matters right now. Sigh. The boy definately scared me today and said he was going to Connecticut's prom. That wasn't what scared me- what scared me was that he said he was leaving this weekend. And that is because I thought he was leaving this weekend for good. He is really moving back east, and I am afraid I have to say farewell once again. Long live our summers, I suppose. I'm crushed. Not as much as the first time, but still enough to make me cherish all the little moments we have until he leaves again. But it will make coming back all the sweeter. And maybe I will tell him how I feel/felt. All I have is wonder. What if? I wonder? Question mark? Ponder? Hmmm? I just keep repeating those things in my head, but I am trying my best to refrain from re-typing them over and over again as they keep reoccuring in my mind. Today, for the first time in a long time, we really looked at each other. Ever since he moved back, we have been to shy or too ashamed to talk/act directly at each other. We'd glance at each other from across the room but when we'd talk, we'd do the typical old people arguing, young people play fighting, sarcasm, witty remarks, intimidating glares, etc. Today we talked about life out here and life out there, college and dreams. And I've finally gotten the courage to just open up, whether vulnerable or not, and just be around him. The whole time since he's been back, I've been so closed up and ashamed because I still like him in some ways...and I was so afraid he would find out or that it was bad that I still liked him. The thing is, it is inevitable for me to like certain people because they are just so damn likeable. Especially if you have discovered your own little reasons to like them. And being as I liked him before, there is always going to be a lingering adoration for him somewhere deep within me. So today was a day where I just let be and accepted that. I find it a real shame that I come to accept these things at the last minute, before it doesn't even really matter anymore. What made today different than any other day with him is small and simple. He finally let me take his picture. He even smiled, which threw me off completely being as I was just messing around with him because I know he hates getting his picture taken. It was as if he was letting me see him for the first time, with his guard down and everything. And I felt so bad that it took us so long to get back to this openness. I have been so closed up and short with him because I have been so afraid he would see how soft I was still. I am so afraid that with acting indifferent to him, he will then believe me. Yet the irony of it is, I don't want him to believe it at all. I sure hope he knows me well enough by now to see through my silly acting because it's all just an act. I just don't want to hurt anymore and I will act in odd ways just to avoid pain. I made him smile today and it was one of those things you just have to count on photographic memory in order to capture it. Somethings are just more beautiful natural, and that can only be captured with memory. No matter what, he is a very lovely boy and I am truly lucky to have met him. He will always be my best guy friend. On to other things, today was Julia's birthday. I have yet to give her the goodies. I am addicted to temporary tattoos. I am covered with them. I have thought of all the kinky things you can do with temporary tattoos. Now all the world needs is "Rub and sniff temporary tattoos" (scratching would remove the tattoo, for all you novices out there). I would be so damn amused. Mmmmmhmmm. So, odd story of the day. We were playing with this electronic generator today in Earth Science. Being a pyro goes hand in hand with amusment with electricity in my mind. With that being said, I was very fascinated by this electronic generator and how it would shock me, as well as everyone around me. Tim and I had a very amusing time shocking each other with all the electricity running through us at the moment. I poked him with a light fixture we were using for an experiment (I used it as a cattle prod/stun gun on Tim...heh heh). I was so damn amused from getting shocked/shocking people, I was literally fixated on the metal orb swimming with electric current. In many ways, it was like watching a fire burn for me (pyro association). So I was shocking myself and watching the electricity follow my fingers and target my tendons, making my fingers (especially my pinkie) twitch from the shock of electric current hitting it. After a while, we were winding down from all the excitement (we all became more comfortable with the idea we were getting shocked and the thrill was beginning to dwindle since we were expecting it). I was retracting my hand from the metal ball and suddenly a bolt of electricity shot out and sparked my nose! I could see it coming towards my face and I literally SAW the electric shock spark on my nose. I jolted my head back and was like "SHIT!!!" but I made sure not to lean back on the metal marker shelf for the dry erase board. Stafford witnessed it and most of the class saw it and we all laughed about it. But for those few seconds it happened, I was scared shitless because hot damn, it's like getting struck by a tiny, less severe lightening bolt IN THE FACE. Think about it...that's freaky shit right there, dude! What a friggen sweet experience, though. I am so glad I did not have a seizure or anything from that. How many times do you get shocked in the face? Yea, that's what I thought...bitches...haha. It's really quite the experience, you really haven't lived until a bolt of electricity shocks you right on the nose. Bodacious. I realize I know nobody in my pictures for softball. Therefore, my captions are going to be incomplete until I figure out who the hell the people are in my pictures. Fuck. With all my freaking out about getting interviews, I forgot to find out who is in the pictures. BUT, I interviewed people and that is a step for me. I have been really, really shy with these interviews...so much that I have been reluctant to call these people or meet up with them...ugh...but I called this one girl and after we were done, I was said "Alrighty, that's all. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day!" but I was so nervous I just hung up after that. I just get nervous when I talk on the phone, especially if I dont talk to these people normally. I felt bad because I didn't even say goodbye, I just hung up. And in my people to people interviews, oi, I can't write fast for the life of me. So I would accidently write down weird shorthand or misspell things like "Team bonging" instead of "Team bonding". I tell ya, I am not the best interviewer. I get so damn nervous for some reason. Today was Curtain Call Club's last meeting. We had a pizza party and I got my award. It makes me feel really specially getting an award in CCC because I dont get awards all too often and these are homemade. Mine was "The Ray of Sunshine Award" and I felt really specially. I think it should have had in parenthesis "An Array of Color" because I turned many different shades of red. I am a hardxcore blusher, and I definately turned bright red when I got the award. It was very sweet and Gracie gave a very nice intro for it. I feel very honored =) I got something in the mail today. But it's a surprise and I don't want to spoil it. Everyone will find out soon enough. Mmmmmhmmmm. I'm going to make more tea. Then I am going to try and write more captions- leaving a blank space for names (ugh, silly me). I have to make more slides for Earth Science (damnation!) and afterwards I have to read (relaxation). Mrs. O is going to tutor me on hyperbolas because I am iffy about them. On the homework tonight, I did all the problems like I was supposed to...but graphing them...they looked so wrong. They just didn't look right to me. They were all very obtuse hyperbolas and ugh. I was so frusterated doing the homework because of that. I hate when I think I understand something when it comes to getting the information together and finding points and such. But when I graph them and it looks all weird, all my confidence in knowing all stuff disappears and I automatically thing I did something wrong. Either I pulled something wrong out of an equation or followed the wrong rule, etc. Ugh. Math...I don't get along with math. Whoever decided to mix letters and numbers to form these equations should be shot. Letters work best in English, not in Mathmatics. Apples and oranges. Letters should stay letters, numbers stay numbers...no mix and match, because I would sure as hell hate to have English and Math do the same as varibles and numbers. I don't know why but I just had a flashback of when I learned the ABC's. It was the beginning of kindergarten and we had to learn them all during the first week I believe. After we all learned them, we had to go up to the front of the class one by one and recite them. I was outgoing then, but still extremely shy. I remember waiting for my name to be called and being very, very nervous. I was rocking back and forth (which I still do, oddly enough) to ease my butterflies and comfort myself. My teacher finally called my name and I shot up. I walked very wobbly up in front of my class and I was really scared I was going to mess up. This is actually the very first memory where I am afraid of failure (that I can recall at least) because I was so afraid that I would let my teacher down. So there I was- at the front of the class, and I was still rocking back and forth. I was so stressed out, I could never imagine a 5 year old being that incredibly stressed out over something such as the ABC's, but I was. It seems pretty comical now, considering there are much bigger things to stress about. After a few seconds of frightened hesitation, I quickly recited my ABC's and I waited for a few seconds for her to grade me. She praised me and said I did a very good job. I said them all in the right order and I remembered the song. I even made sure not to say 'and'. Feeling extremely relieved, I sit down again with my little friends. And I reacted the exact same way when I had to recite the spanish alphabet in 6th grade. Except this time, it was not in front of the class. This time, it was only in front of my spanish teacher. I recited the spanish ABC's in lightening speed and she praised me. I said them all in the right order and i remembered all the letters. I again felt really relieved. It's funny how one can react the exact same way to similar situations even years later. Eight years later. Some things never change. I'm still just that little girl who rocks back and forth when she has butterflies and speaks quickly when nervous. I got sidetracked. I still want tea and need to do those things I said. Damn ADD-like symptoms... I love you all and then some =D WAIT!! PICTURES!!    It was raining flower petals on my front lawn this week and I had to capture it. It was a beautiful sight to see, but I will miss the pretty flowers on my tree...they smelled really good and looked nice. The fresh petals on my lawn were very beautiful in their own sense, though. Good night. Jenny at 6:03 PM
Comments:
Post a Comment
| |
| a product of maystar designs. modified by carly |
