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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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Let me begin in saything that Elliot Smith has the most beautiful music to think to. I've been sitting for about two hours thinking of all the words he's singing and how I relate to them. Actually, that only lasted about a minute. I couldn't focus just on the words, so I just zoned out and listened to each song as a whole. What a beautiful mind this man has. And here he kills himself. I believe the most beautiful minds have that complex because there is that desire to remain a mystery. All that is left is wonder...how did this beautiful mind work? How did these thoughts come about? What does it feel like to conspire such beautiful ideas?
Truly, it blows my mind. It's quite impossible to fathom all the most beautiful things in the world. Each individual thing captivates the mind in such a way that you forget to continue on with the list. At that particular moment, one thing could be the most beautiful thing in the world. More beautiful than sunsets; a breezy, sunny morning; a night sky, a field of colorful flowers...nothing can compare to that one thing. When at one time, you would use the beauty of nature to describe the beauty of a person- it is when you do the exact opposite when you know you've fallen. The warm of this sunset feels like just before we go to bed and we are wrapped in each others arms; so closely that the warmth of our hearts are the same temperature because at that time, they are one. One big heart full of good feelings. And the wind blowing through my window and the sun shining through my blinds- that feels like waking up next to you in the early afternoon. It's just before we have to get up and we are just holding each other. A cool night under a blanket of stars is best described as embracing under the light of the moon and sharing affection when no one is looking. The rush of shared secrecy and the feeling of infinitness; the moment where you can distinguish every molecule that makes up your body and yet still feel so complete. "While the moon does it's division you're buried below and you're coming up in roses everywhere you go red roses follow" These are a few of my favorite things. "Her hand on your arm her hand on your arm she put her hand on your arm and told you her name, you can't pronounce it" Beautiful. I'm a lost cause. Is it possible for a human to figure their life out too quickly? Not in the ways of predicting the future exactly, but just having a good sense of where life is going to take you? What happens when the spontanity of life dies and what's next unravels before it even begins? What would that be considered? Is it possible for life to end before one is even dead? For all the luster of life to be spent early on and the rest being the resolution of the premature climax? Maybe that's why Elliott ended his life. Pardon my theories, I'm just trying to find some closure in reason. I've got things figured out pretty well. My life isn't exactly predictable but have a good idea what's to come everyday. I s'pose it's just monotonous enough. But in no way would I ever end it just because I could figure things out early on, whether good or bad. I would hate to be left wondering what was next, even if I already had a notion. You can never be too sure about life (because I keep getting surprised with my luck in homework. The one class I can't manage to finish homework in we seem to have extra time or another day to turn it in with no points taken off. Bwahh? Luck dude, luck). Maybe that's my problem. I figure things out in my head and live by them. I live each day knowing what to expect when I shouldn't even expect anything. Everyday is a clean slate. Every night, we are all washed over with a cleansing rain, fresh for a new day- a new start. I shouldn't have tomorrow figured out tonight. I shouldn't have the whole week figured out tonight. And sadly enough, I do. Routines, schedules, and such do not help. I need to bring back life's spontanity. I'm becoming all too organized. I mean, come on, I cleaned my BATHROOM yesterday just out of the blue. Then I attacked my room and I wanted to throw everything away that wasnt necessary. That's like half my shit right there and I'm a flippin pack rat! What wrong with me? My ma says I'm cleaning my act up but damn dude, I messiness is part of my personality. Hygiene-wise, I can understand but everything else? I am NOT clean or orderly. My grandma is clean and orderly. My grandma loves to clean. I hate to clean. But I keep cleaning because right now it doesnt seem so bad. Maybe it's just a random faze. Maybe I'm just...indenial. God dammit. I'm becoming tidy. Oi ::smacks forehead:: I think I'll go back to thinking about more feasible things like my homework; for once that might give my brain temporary relief. Oh sweet irony. Jenny at 9:34 PM
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