Her Smiling Eyes

Sunday, June 19, 2005

My food schedule is uber off. I don't eat much as it is and lately I'm not even hungry. I've ended up with the summer "weird nature diet" again where I find myself eating mainly pb sammiches, fruit, and sunflower seeds. Then there is the random icecream thrown in there when necessary.

I'll probably eat that all summer. I can rest assured that I could live in the wilderness and have no problem finding food.

Friday was Shamby's grad party. I had the honor of being VIP. That was sweet. I made a CD for Manda and a mini Secret Agent Snowman for Abby. We drew with chalk on the driveway and set up for the party. Lots of fun people came and some interesting conversations were had. I even played paparazzi with the camera and captured some unique views of the party (Abby's eye-view, through the bushes, from a tree, on the ground, etc). I am very interested to see how they turn out.

After a lot of mingling and goofing off, Brendan got a call from his family saying that his uncle had two extra tickets to RHPS at PM&L. We would be going for free- only spending $5 on our goodie bags. It was a chance we couldn't pass up, though I took into consideration the tickets I pre-ordered just a little while earlier. We decided we will go free tonight, and go with everyone tomorrow. So we left at 7:30ish, picked up the tickets, and were off to PM&L.

I never went to a live showing of RHPS, so I had no idea what to expect. I knew it wouldn't be exactly like the movie and I was curious to see how the props would be put into play. It was all recognizable from the film, with an exception for the stage. After a while, the imagination kicks in and you just invision it however you wish. I was playing the movie in my head- which was sort of annoying when they would change lines around/flub.

Likes: Dr. Frankenfurter in his skin-tight bikeshorts, his arms, pretty much his whole body; Brad was cute in drag and portrayed Brad in the movie fairly well; Trixie- a new character for those who have yet to see a live showing, Meg totally shining in her character, sexy legs; Magenta because she is Brandon's mom haha, she is so flipping cool; Janet was sort of easy on the eyes.

Dislikes: Rocky. All around Rocky. First of all, Rocky does NOT talk. He grunts. He's supposed to be stone-age-ish. He does not say "Piss off!" or "Oh dear" or even speak in complete thoughts. He does sing. But simply grunts. That's what makes Rocky the way he is because he is freshly created and doesn't know any better.

And they cut out the part where they are all stuck to the ground and Brad says "My socks! I can't move my socks!" He wasn't wearing socks in the live-show so it wouldnt fit. But in the movie, it was really funny because he could just take his socks off.

Overall, it was a very entertaining show. The crowd was fun, everyone was crazy, it was quite an experience.

After the show, we went back to the party. I ate some cake and lots of fruit salad, we talked about all sorts of things and best of all, we laughed a whole lot. It was quite a lovely time.

Saturday I woke up really late and was running around for a while. I had to do all these chores and I was thrown off by the time of day. PM&L called in the morning about the tickets. I was dazed and confused. I got 5 tickets to be safe and I forgot who the 5th one was for. So rest of the time, I am searching for someone who would like to go with us but either they were already going or werent interested to see the show. Considering I had to charge the tickets, I was screwed.

So Brendan and I searched for a RHPS fan that wasn't already going. I was just about ready to scalp it on the streets until we found our match.

Then I went to Abby's grad party and it was interesting. Jessie offered me one of her corsets to borrow for the show and that was sweet because I didn't have any of my own. We had some minor difficulties but we fixed it by double lacing the front part. It is a very cute corset and I had fun wearing it.

We went the show at 10:30pm and it was even more exciting with more friends. I think everyone had a really grand time and it was really memorable. Again, I made the mistake with the coffee and the sugar and the caffine...oi. I was wired. We went to Vegas afterwards and I had more. I need to be cut off. It's a bad habit to start and I know I of all people do not need to get addicted. We ran into Rachel and Josh there and it was awesome because I haven't seen them in a while. I need to hang out with them soon.

I tried shoving this whole roll into my mouth but I guess I have a pretty bad gag reflex. I didn't throw up or anything, I would just gag and have to give up trying to fit it in my mouth. I wasn't going to make myself choke over it or anything.

Then we went back to the party and I was wired. I was also sort of out of it. A weird combination, if I do say so myself. I ended up plopping myself on the couch next to Abby Leigh and just rambling back and forth. I turned really mellow with loads of energy still. I could have fallen asleep right there because I was comfy enough but it was best I left.

I got home around 3am and I couldn't sleep. It wasn't just the coffee- I was just thinking too much. I couldnt get comfortable. I just kept rolling around in bed, thinking. So I made another journal. I wrote a few pages. I kept changing CD's. I worked out. I made my dad a picture. I cleaned my room a bit. I rolled around in bed some more- sleeping with just a sheet, then pulling up the comforter, then getting hot and sleeping with nothing, then with the sheet again, and so on and so forth.

I watched the clock go from 6:18am to 6:19am and it was the longest minute of my life. I read a little bit of a few books. I thought a lot. 8:11am. The parents wake up. 9:23am. Mom comes in and asks if I want to have breakfast with them. I say no, trying to fake like I've been sleeping. I am the worst liar I know. And I didn't even smile. I usually smile when I lie; it's a habit. She said "You didn't get any sleep did you?" and I said I nodded off sometimes but always woke up. She just looked at me because I was lying again. I didn't know how to explain why I didn't sleep without lying more and more.

10:04am. Mom comes in and tells me they are going to Walmart for a motorcycle battery and some other stuff. I still haven't slept yet but I pretend to be tired so I don't seem crazy. I feel sick but it's probably because I haven't eaten much this weekend. Random fruits, cake- thats about it. I'm not hungry when I go to the kitchen, either. I give my dad his gifts. I took a new approach to father's day. I didn't make him a card. I didn't buy him a card. I took a blank card I got from a stationary pack. I filled it with my words. I told him he would never find a card like this one. I guranteed it. I was honest. I wrote about how we haven't been getting along too well lately. THings have been rocky. I have trouble getting close to him and opening up. I said I was sorry. Not the typical words you find in a father's day card. I said I was sorry that I give him such a hard time and I'm sorry for the occasional handful. And for not drinking, doing drugs, etc- I am quite a handful just by myself. I said that no matter what he make think, I love him very, very much. I may not scream it out or even say it much, but I really do. I was frank- I said we definately do not see eye to eye but I am sure life would be less interesting if we did. I surely would not dress or act the way I do. If we saw eye to eye, there would be less to learn about each other. And finally, I told him that he underestimates how much he means to me.

Soon, the blank card was completely full. It was full of things I had too much pride to say normally. As much as halmark cards can carefully choose and generalize words and organize them in such a way you may not be able to do yourself, this card was more meaningful by far. You didn't have to find meaning or put purpose into the card by simply signing it; the meaning and purpose was already there. All that from a blank card.

I tried not to notice but I realized my dad was trying to hold back tears. It made things sort of akward because I don't say those things enough to feel comfortable with them. Of course, my ma was eager to read what I had written but luckily my dad shunned her away stating that it was his card, not hers. If my ma had read it, I am afraid she would cry and I would feel weird. She would make a big deal about these things that should be a little deal but aren't. And then it would be weird and I would be reluctant to do such a thing again. I'm just weird like that, I dont know...

My ma said I looked sad. I was just tired. I didn't even smile and she caught me. Mom's are just God like that. But I was tired. Just not tired enough to hide behind it. Lame.

I finally got some sleep. Almost four hours. We got a new sprinkler. I ate some grapes and sunflower seeds. I spent the day with my dad. I read some more. I am going away soon. I need a vacation. Nature is what I need and I will be surrounded by it soon. I don't know when exactly I'm leaving. It'll be for a week, most likely. I want to get away from it all. I can invite one friend. I'm thinkin' I will stick the week out alone, though. There will be other times to invite people up. Then we will have a whole cabin to ourselves. Now is family time. It will be my ma's birthday and I want to give her my undivided attention. I will make this birthday special for her because she deserves it. She makes my birthday's special. She's going to be 50. She is sad she's old. I will try and make her feel young again. We will play and I will refresh her memory of when she was a young one.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable father's day doing whatever they do.
And if you didn't celebrate today, I hope you celebrated life.
Smile.
Play in a sprinkler.
Eat some icecream.
And remember to say I love you. Don't be ashamed to say it if you don't say it enough.

I love you.

El Fin.

Jenny at 4:50 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Sunday, June 19, 2005 My food schedule is uber off. I don't eat much as it is and lately I'm not even hungry. I've ended up with the summer "weird nature diet" again where I find myself eating mainly pb sammiches, fruit, and sunflower seeds. Then there is the random icecream thrown in there when necessary. I'll probably eat that all summer. I can rest assured that I could live in the wilderness and have no problem finding food. Friday was Shamby's grad party. I had the honor of being VIP. That was sweet. I made a CD for Manda and a mini Secret Agent Snowman for Abby. We drew with chalk on the driveway and set up for the party. Lots of fun people came and some interesting conversations were had. I even played paparazzi with the camera and captured some unique views of the party (Abby's eye-view, through the bushes, from a tree, on the ground, etc). I am very interested to see how they turn out. After a lot of mingling and goofing off, Brendan got a call from his family saying that his uncle had two extra tickets to RHPS at PM&L. We would be going for free- only spending $5 on our goodie bags. It was a chance we couldn't pass up, though I took into consideration the tickets I pre-ordered just a little while earlier. We decided we will go free tonight, and go with everyone tomorrow. So we left at 7:30ish, picked up the tickets, and were off to PM&L. I never went to a live showing of RHPS, so I had no idea what to expect. I knew it wouldn't be exactly like the movie and I was curious to see how the props would be put into play. It was all recognizable from the film, with an exception for the stage. After a while, the imagination kicks in and you just invision it however you wish. I was playing the movie in my head- which was sort of annoying when they would change lines around/flub. Likes: Dr. Frankenfurter in his skin-tight bikeshorts, his arms, pretty much his whole body; Brad was cute in drag and portrayed Brad in the movie fairly well; Trixie- a new character for those who have yet to see a live showing, Meg totally shining in her character, sexy legs; Magenta because she is Brandon's mom haha, she is so flipping cool; Janet was sort of easy on the eyes. Dislikes: Rocky. All around Rocky. First of all, Rocky does NOT talk. He grunts. He's supposed to be stone-age-ish. He does not say "Piss off!" or "Oh dear" or even speak in complete thoughts. He does sing. But simply grunts. That's what makes Rocky the way he is because he is freshly created and doesn't know any better. And they cut out the part where they are all stuck to the ground and Brad says "My socks! I can't move my socks!" He wasn't wearing socks in the live-show so it wouldnt fit. But in the movie, it was really funny because he could just take his socks off. Overall, it was a very entertaining show. The crowd was fun, everyone was crazy, it was quite an experience. After the show, we went back to the party. I ate some cake and lots of fruit salad, we talked about all sorts of things and best of all, we laughed a whole lot. It was quite a lovely time. Saturday I woke up really late and was running around for a while. I had to do all these chores and I was thrown off by the time of day. PM&L called in the morning about the tickets. I was dazed and confused. I got 5 tickets to be safe and I forgot who the 5th one was for. So rest of the time, I am searching for someone who would like to go with us but either they were already going or werent interested to see the show. Considering I had to charge the tickets, I was screwed. So Brendan and I searched for a RHPS fan that wasn't already going. I was just about ready to scalp it on the streets until we found our match. Then I went to Abby's grad party and it was interesting. Jessie offered me one of her corsets to borrow for the show and that was sweet because I didn't have any of my own. We had some minor difficulties but we fixed it by double lacing the front part. It is a very cute corset and I had fun wearing it. We went the show at 10:30pm and it was even more exciting with more friends. I think everyone had a really grand time and it was really memorable. Again, I made the mistake with the coffee and the sugar and the caffine...oi. I was wired. We went to Vegas afterwards and I had more. I need to be cut off. It's a bad habit to start and I know I of all people do not need to get addicted. We ran into Rachel and Josh there and it was awesome because I haven't seen them in a while. I need to hang out with them soon. I tried shoving this whole roll into my mouth but I guess I have a pretty bad gag reflex. I didn't throw up or anything, I would just gag and have to give up trying to fit it in my mouth. I wasn't going to make myself choke over it or anything. Then we went back to the party and I was wired. I was also sort of out of it. A weird combination, if I do say so myself. I ended up plopping myself on the couch next to Abby Leigh and just rambling back and forth. I turned really mellow with loads of energy still. I could have fallen asleep right there because I was comfy enough but it was best I left. I got home around 3am and I couldn't sleep. It wasn't just the coffee- I was just thinking too much. I couldnt get comfortable. I just kept rolling around in bed, thinking. So I made another journal. I wrote a few pages. I kept changing CD's. I worked out. I made my dad a picture. I cleaned my room a bit. I rolled around in bed some more- sleeping with just a sheet, then pulling up the comforter, then getting hot and sleeping with nothing, then with the sheet again, and so on and so forth. I watched the clock go from 6:18am to 6:19am and it was the longest minute of my life. I read a little bit of a few books. I thought a lot. 8:11am. The parents wake up. 9:23am. Mom comes in and asks if I want to have breakfast with them. I say no, trying to fake like I've been sleeping. I am the worst liar I know. And I didn't even smile. I usually smile when I lie; it's a habit. She said "You didn't get any sleep did you?" and I said I nodded off sometimes but always woke up. She just looked at me because I was lying again. I didn't know how to explain why I didn't sleep without lying more and more. 10:04am. Mom comes in and tells me they are going to Walmart for a motorcycle battery and some other stuff. I still haven't slept yet but I pretend to be tired so I don't seem crazy. I feel sick but it's probably because I haven't eaten much this weekend. Random fruits, cake- thats about it. I'm not hungry when I go to the kitchen, either. I give my dad his gifts. I took a new approach to father's day. I didn't make him a card. I didn't buy him a card. I took a blank card I got from a stationary pack. I filled it with my words. I told him he would never find a card like this one. I guranteed it. I was honest. I wrote about how we haven't been getting along too well lately. THings have been rocky. I have trouble getting close to him and opening up. I said I was sorry. Not the typical words you find in a father's day card. I said I was sorry that I give him such a hard time and I'm sorry for the occasional handful. And for not drinking, doing drugs, etc- I am quite a handful just by myself. I said that no matter what he make think, I love him very, very much. I may not scream it out or even say it much, but I really do. I was frank- I said we definately do not see eye to eye but I am sure life would be less interesting if we did. I surely would not dress or act the way I do. If we saw eye to eye, there would be less to learn about each other. And finally, I told him that he underestimates how much he means to me. Soon, the blank card was completely full. It was full of things I had too much pride to say normally. As much as halmark cards can carefully choose and generalize words and organize them in such a way you may not be able to do yourself, this card was more meaningful by far. You didn't have to find meaning or put purpose into the card by simply signing it; the meaning and purpose was already there. All that from a blank card. I tried not to notice but I realized my dad was trying to hold back tears. It made things sort of akward because I don't say those things enough to feel comfortable with them. Of course, my ma was eager to read what I had written but luckily my dad shunned her away stating that it was his card, not hers. If my ma had read it, I am afraid she would cry and I would feel weird. She would make a big deal about these things that should be a little deal but aren't. And then it would be weird and I would be reluctant to do such a thing again. I'm just weird like that, I dont know... My ma said I looked sad. I was just tired. I didn't even smile and she caught me. Mom's are just God like that. But I was tired. Just not tired enough to hide behind it. Lame. I finally got some sleep. Almost four hours. We got a new sprinkler. I ate some grapes and sunflower seeds. I spent the day with my dad. I read some more. I am going away soon. I need a vacation. Nature is what I need and I will be surrounded by it soon. I don't know when exactly I'm leaving. It'll be for a week, most likely. I want to get away from it all. I can invite one friend. I'm thinkin' I will stick the week out alone, though. There will be other times to invite people up. Then we will have a whole cabin to ourselves. Now is family time. It will be my ma's birthday and I want to give her my undivided attention. I will make this birthday special for her because she deserves it. She makes my birthday's special. She's going to be 50. She is sad she's old. I will try and make her feel young again. We will play and I will refresh her memory of when she was a young one. I hope everyone had an enjoyable father's day doing whatever they do. And if you didn't celebrate today, I hope you celebrated life. Smile. Play in a sprinkler. Eat some icecream. And remember to say I love you. Don't be ashamed to say it if you don't say it enough. I love you. El Fin. Jenny at 4:50 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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