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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I saw Life is Beautiful tonight and oddly enough, it portrayed the beauties and the uglies of life simultaneously. It was a sad, yet uplifting movie. It's almost indescribable how it made me feel beyond that. I felt all these feelings-both happy and sad. I smiled and laughed at the beauty of life and people because that was all I could understand. The rest of it was so foriegn to me- all the hate and the suffering...I've been taught of these things in classes but it does nothing to what it must have really been like for people who've endured it. And I think that's why I didn't cry.
I know it's not important or really relivent in everyday life, but it really affects me when I don't/won't show emotion in public. My ma told me this evening before we saw the movie that if I don't cry, I have a heart of stone. But I can't help it. I know I don't have a heart of stone and I don't understand why crying has to determine what type of heart one has. I just have a very hard time crying in front of people. Family, friends, it doesn't matter- I just can't. I don't know. I just don't like it. I used to cry a lot, too. I was teased for it so I taught myself not to or to hide it. Whenever I do cry, I feel ashamed. There is nothing to be ashamed about but I still feel that way. I feel like a baby when I cry. Very few people have seen me cry and my ma even rarely sees it. I just can't open up enough to cry in front of people. It's very hard for me and I'll admit that I am afraid to do it. But I do not have a heart of stone and I am not numb. It may not matter to anyone else but it matters to me. I have a nice heart. It's normal and squishy just like everyone elses. And it's fragile like even the most sensitive people's hearts. And if it makes any difference- I cry a lot during Big Fish because it reminds me of my grandpa. And I cry during Finding Neverland because he kept his promise and it was beautiful. Thank you, Abby Leigh, for sharing that movie with me. It really was beautiful. Tomorrow I'm off to the rummage sale in the early morn (oi)! Hopefully I will get some sweet deals! I wanna find some fun shorts and teeshirts. If all else fails- it's off to the thrift store! I'm really diggin the comfy plaid shorts these days. You know what? I'm okay. I feel good because in a way, I did open up tonight. I opened up in such a way that everything seems so much clearer than before. It's funny when the moment you finally take a chance and open up this side you've never shown someone before and that feeling of freedom because you don't have to hide anymore... Writing out my thoughts to this person was just like this detanglement of my mind and to continue this conversation knowing that he understands is wonderful. I always have wonderful conversations with him but this one really takes the gold. Petey McGee, you are amazing. Strawberry Fields Forever Let me take you down cause I'm going to strawberry fields Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about Strawberry fields forever Living is easy with eyes closed Misunderstanding all you see It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out It doesn't matter much to me Let me take you down cause I'm going to strawberry fields Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about Strawberry fields forever No one I think is in my tree I mean it must be high or low That is you know you can't tune it but It's all right That is I think it's not too bad Let me take you down cause I'm going to strawberry fields Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about Strawberry fields forever Always know sometimes it's me But you know I know when it's a dream I think a "No" will mean a "Yes" but it's all wrong that is I think I disagree Let me take you down cause I'm going to strawberry fields Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about Strawberry fields forever Strawberry fields forever strawberry fields forever Mmmm...summer =D Jenny at 10:55 PM
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