Her Smiling Eyes

Friday, July 22, 2005

My mind seems to be suffering from a drought as well...

In the past few days, my electricity has gone out 23.932 billion times. And that's only a slight exaggeration. First it was a brown-out that caused us up to an hour or so of simple living. A brown-out is a condition of lower than normal power line voltage being supplied by your local utility or generating equipment. Electric utilities (your local, lovable Power Company) may occassionally reduce line voltage to Brown-out levels in an effort to adequately manage power generation and distribution during periods of heavy usage. Very hot days, when most air conditioning and refrigeration equipment would be operating almost continuously, is an example of such a situation.

And on that day, that was the case. But the next day, there was then a thunder and lightening storm. Low and behold, electricity cut out. Oh, the Amish life for just a few too many hours...

Getting used to this now two day occurance of electrical loss, I trained myself to take naps the instant power is out. Mind you, I had no current book to read or anything else in mind for that matter. So I'd nap in hopes to wake up to a powered household. No dice the second day. I was restless. I was antsy. I made up tons of conspiracies, daydreamed a whole lot, even walked around the neighborhood during scorching hot weather. The icecream truck sped by me and I didn't even have any money on me to get icecream.

Luckily, Brendan saved me from these woes and we went to his house to play board games. I had oatmeal at his house and we played Disaster, just about the nerdiest and most amazing game ever. "I'm going to flood your ass, bitch!" "Uh, uh, I have a DAM! Take that!"

Angelina came over shortly and we played Tribond. Beginner's luck my ass.

Brendan and I played mad at each other for a bit (except I was pretty mad he kept saying the answers to my tribonds, dammit) but it didn't last long.

I have never seen the boy blush so much- with his chipmunk like cheeks (bet you can fit a lot of nuts in there...) beaming with color. Oh, you're such a little girl ;D I love you, babycakes.

After much giggling and laughter, Angelina and I were off to Blockbuster to rent The Vagina Monologues- which she has not seen. Well, shit- no dice. The only thing that was found was an Amy and even then, she found me. We asked the people at the desk and to see them blush like so at the name was priceless.

We ended up renting A Very Long Engagement, and it was a very good movie. I usually despise foreign films but I seem to be fond of French ones. Either it's the sexy french dialogue or simply the wonderful, beautiful Audrey that makes them all the more worthwhile. Not to say that she is in EVERY french film, but she makes them worth seeing.

After the movie, we had a discussion about it that branched off into other discussions that passed the time like no other. By the time we caught the clock, it was 5:10am. We had talked for about five hours straight. We continued talking into the morning up until 8:30am. Then we made breakfast and watched the news. She left around 11ish. Let me tell you, big breakfasts + milk + no sleep = a very sleepy Jenny. I helped my ma with the groceries and then passed out on my bed.

Talked to Brendan and Amy-kins inbetween sleeping times. I slept all the way to 5:30pm. Then I ate dinner and after BloodSource called me, we had this huge argument about selling my blood for money, which sounds quite funny now but it was a heated topic then. I intend on giving my blood charitably tomorrow, and not just tomorrow- any time I give it. It was just the worst thing to say after I get off the phone with Bloodsource, feeling proud and jolly that I'm giving to those who may need my blood to live and such. Then my dad saying I could sell it by the pint for money if I wanted spare cash. Mind you, this is a touchy subject because I am in need for cash considering I dont have a job. The thought of him thinking I would stoop to that level before even trying to get a job was just uncalled for. So there was some yelling, and some crying, and an overall sense of anger.

I am working at the Taste of Antioch for spare cash. I am giving my blood for charity. I would never think to give blood for spare cash before getting a job. I understand if someone is struggling with money and inbetween jobs or something, maybe then. Currently, my only struggle is sanity.

With that, I showered, and went for a very long bike ride. Lindenhurst just isn't big enough to get away. We need some cliffs around here so I can climb to the top and scream till my heart's content. There was nothing I would have rather done that have gone mountain biking tonight as well as rock climbing, escaping into a forest and finding a big, secret lake in the middle of this forest and then boating to the very middle of it and sitting. I have never wanted to go so far away and be completely engulfed by nature in my life. But I always seem to end up at Lake Linden or McDonalds Woods instead of this forestial sanctuary. I just imagine I'm there.

I hate fighting. I hate yelling. I hate crying. I hate anger. I hate hate. I can't believe I let my temper get the best of me to where all of the above arise. It was the stupidest reason to fight. And I'm sure if anyone else brought up the idea of selling my blood for money, I would just laugh it off and decline. I don't know what it is about him that enrages me so. Everytime he tries to bond, he ends up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and setting me off like a freaking nuclear bomb. And I'll just explode with all this angry energy I never knew I had inside of me. My temper is my downfall.

I have no idea where all this anger comes from. It's really startling to me. This is what I think- A gas leak. Very dangerous because you cannot see the gas. Depending on the ventilation, you may not even smell it. You can't feel it or really taste it. But once you light that match, the air catches fire almost immediately. Inside of me, I think I have a gas leak. The gas symbolizes this invisable anger I guess I contain. The match symbolizes at threat. In seconds, I ignite and I didn't even know I had it in me.

I don't understand.

Jenny at 12:39 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Friday, July 22, 2005 My mind seems to be suffering from a drought as well... In the past few days, my electricity has gone out 23.932 billion times. And that's only a slight exaggeration. First it was a brown-out that caused us up to an hour or so of simple living. A brown-out is a condition of lower than normal power line voltage being supplied by your local utility or generating equipment. Electric utilities (your local, lovable Power Company) may occassionally reduce line voltage to Brown-out levels in an effort to adequately manage power generation and distribution during periods of heavy usage. Very hot days, when most air conditioning and refrigeration equipment would be operating almost continuously, is an example of such a situation. And on that day, that was the case. But the next day, there was then a thunder and lightening storm. Low and behold, electricity cut out. Oh, the Amish life for just a few too many hours... Getting used to this now two day occurance of electrical loss, I trained myself to take naps the instant power is out. Mind you, I had no current book to read or anything else in mind for that matter. So I'd nap in hopes to wake up to a powered household. No dice the second day. I was restless. I was antsy. I made up tons of conspiracies, daydreamed a whole lot, even walked around the neighborhood during scorching hot weather. The icecream truck sped by me and I didn't even have any money on me to get icecream. Luckily, Brendan saved me from these woes and we went to his house to play board games. I had oatmeal at his house and we played Disaster, just about the nerdiest and most amazing game ever. "I'm going to flood your ass, bitch!" "Uh, uh, I have a DAM! Take that!" Angelina came over shortly and we played Tribond. Beginner's luck my ass. Brendan and I played mad at each other for a bit (except I was pretty mad he kept saying the answers to my tribonds, dammit) but it didn't last long. I have never seen the boy blush so much- with his chipmunk like cheeks (bet you can fit a lot of nuts in there...) beaming with color. Oh, you're such a little girl ;D I love you, babycakes. After much giggling and laughter, Angelina and I were off to Blockbuster to rent The Vagina Monologues- which she has not seen. Well, shit- no dice. The only thing that was found was an Amy and even then, she found me. We asked the people at the desk and to see them blush like so at the name was priceless. We ended up renting A Very Long Engagement, and it was a very good movie. I usually despise foreign films but I seem to be fond of French ones. Either it's the sexy french dialogue or simply the wonderful, beautiful Audrey that makes them all the more worthwhile. Not to say that she is in EVERY french film, but she makes them worth seeing. After the movie, we had a discussion about it that branched off into other discussions that passed the time like no other. By the time we caught the clock, it was 5:10am. We had talked for about five hours straight. We continued talking into the morning up until 8:30am. Then we made breakfast and watched the news. She left around 11ish. Let me tell you, big breakfasts + milk + no sleep = a very sleepy Jenny. I helped my ma with the groceries and then passed out on my bed. Talked to Brendan and Amy-kins inbetween sleeping times. I slept all the way to 5:30pm. Then I ate dinner and after BloodSource called me, we had this huge argument about selling my blood for money, which sounds quite funny now but it was a heated topic then. I intend on giving my blood charitably tomorrow, and not just tomorrow- any time I give it. It was just the worst thing to say after I get off the phone with Bloodsource, feeling proud and jolly that I'm giving to those who may need my blood to live and such. Then my dad saying I could sell it by the pint for money if I wanted spare cash. Mind you, this is a touchy subject because I am in need for cash considering I dont have a job. The thought of him thinking I would stoop to that level before even trying to get a job was just uncalled for. So there was some yelling, and some crying, and an overall sense of anger. I am working at the Taste of Antioch for spare cash. I am giving my blood for charity. I would never think to give blood for spare cash before getting a job. I understand if someone is struggling with money and inbetween jobs or something, maybe then. Currently, my only struggle is sanity. With that, I showered, and went for a very long bike ride. Lindenhurst just isn't big enough to get away. We need some cliffs around here so I can climb to the top and scream till my heart's content. There was nothing I would have rather done that have gone mountain biking tonight as well as rock climbing, escaping into a forest and finding a big, secret lake in the middle of this forest and then boating to the very middle of it and sitting. I have never wanted to go so far away and be completely engulfed by nature in my life. But I always seem to end up at Lake Linden or McDonalds Woods instead of this forestial sanctuary. I just imagine I'm there. I hate fighting. I hate yelling. I hate crying. I hate anger. I hate hate. I can't believe I let my temper get the best of me to where all of the above arise. It was the stupidest reason to fight. And I'm sure if anyone else brought up the idea of selling my blood for money, I would just laugh it off and decline. I don't know what it is about him that enrages me so. Everytime he tries to bond, he ends up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and setting me off like a freaking nuclear bomb. And I'll just explode with all this angry energy I never knew I had inside of me. My temper is my downfall. I have no idea where all this anger comes from. It's really startling to me. This is what I think- A gas leak. Very dangerous because you cannot see the gas. Depending on the ventilation, you may not even smell it. You can't feel it or really taste it. But once you light that match, the air catches fire almost immediately. Inside of me, I think I have a gas leak. The gas symbolizes this invisable anger I guess I contain. The match symbolizes at threat. In seconds, I ignite and I didn't even know I had it in me. I don't understand. Jenny at 12:39 AM Comments: Post a Comment
a product of maystar designs. modified by carly