Her Smiling Eyes

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Well...
It's kind of a weird time right now, being as I am just waiting for my dad to pop in the room and lecture me about being the sneaky and spontaneous girl I am...
Long story, slightly humorous but currently a soft subject being as it was so recent...
Ugh, lame.
In a nutshell, Bren and I did not go biking today.
But I did sneak out, come back, sneak myself AND my bike out and try to shove it into an Impala in the wee hours of the morning.
I wasn't even under the influence of anything.
Beautiful.
Oh, life is good. I love it.

Yes, I'd say at about 1:30am this morning, everything went downhill. We were fine online. We were fine at Vegas. We were fine all the way until the bike wouldn't fit.
Then the arguing started and the voices started to raise. Curse words flying like we were sailors because our spontaneous, and what we thought was a genius plan crashed and burned all to quickly right before us.

Good news, I am not shot yet. No notes on the fridge saying I'm being cremated because I'm going to be burning in hell or anything. Good signs? I sure hope so.

Not so good news, my dad is not much of a happy camper. He says (not directly to me yet) that I am sneaky. That even though I left a note saying I was going to Brendan's and wrote everything down on a note, I was being 'sneaky' and probably 'sneaking out'. Well shit. I just don't know what to say.

Thing is, every time I tell them my plans-the fact that they are late at night makes them shut it down. If it's 9:59pm and I say I'm going to Vegas with someone, they say no. I tell them exactly where I'm going and they shut me down. And this is what I see, I'm truthful and they still won't accept it. But when I am 'sneaky' and I 'sneak out', I am much better off with them not knowing because then I can actually go and do my thing. I don't go off into the night and do things to make them worry. The only thing they have to worry about is other people. But that's life for you. Everyone takes a risk everyday just driving the streets. Anything could happen at any time. Day or night. Crazy people don't just stop being crazy during the day.

Well shit. First my mom comes in with the preview lecture. Then my dad tags in with the rest. I knew exactly what to expect. I knew what he was going to say. And it doesn't make sense to argue because we both see things from different angles. It's fruitless. He will never understand how I see things. I will never understand how he sees things. He's old fashioned. I'm modern. He thinks daytime is the safest of times. I think no time is really the safest of times. There is risk all the time. He finds comfort in be being at home at night. I feel suffocation and that he's sheltering me. He says it's a scary, unsafe world out there. I say that I'll have to live and experience it sometime.

I won't be afraid like him. I won't hunt for trouble, but I definately won't live my life hiding. If something happens, it happens. Everyday is a risk. I'm not going to walk around, waiting for the worst to happen. I'm a free spirit. I'm still cautious but not afraid to take risks. If something did happen to me, I'd take it as a learning experience and live on. Life shouldn't stop right there. In the end, you're going to have to live on anyway. Live on and move on.

I am not him. My day does not stop at 10pm every night. He doesn't have to like my way of life but he could at least try to accept it. I sure as hell won't change for him. What can I say, I'm too damn stubborn to give in and conform to his likings.

But now I know, if it's before midnight- wake them up and tell them. If it's after midnight- leave a note. And that is very good to know.
And what's this? I already abided by that rule because it was after midnight last night and I left a note saying exactly what I was doing.

Honestly, I'm really not that bad of a kid. At all really. They know this. I know this. And yet, they still make it out as if I am. What little rebellion I do, it's simply chaos and they cannot have it. What can I say, I am just too out of control for them. Get out your stun guns and tranquilizers, this girl is FERAL.

And you love it ;D Haha, what a day.

Also, to put the cherry on this every so happenin' sundae: Chain O'Lakes State Park doesn't even rent out bikes anymore. Key word: anymore - because that means they used to. Well fuck me. What a time to discontinue bike rental...when we plan to rent bikes. The fact that they USED to rent out bikes and don't ANYMORE just makes me want to smile so wide that my face cracks.

Brendan, we are going biking. We're equally as stubborn so I have faith in us. We'll put our forces together and make the planets align...we'll make it happen somehow.

Umm...really weird feelings happening. I sense a really akward moment...time to go. Good night.

Oh, phew. Not what I was expecting. Total relief. But I'm spent typing anyway so goodnight still, lol.

Love to all and then some :D

Jenny at 9:37 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Thursday, August 04, 2005 Well... It's kind of a weird time right now, being as I am just waiting for my dad to pop in the room and lecture me about being the sneaky and spontaneous girl I am... Long story, slightly humorous but currently a soft subject being as it was so recent... Ugh, lame. In a nutshell, Bren and I did not go biking today. But I did sneak out, come back, sneak myself AND my bike out and try to shove it into an Impala in the wee hours of the morning. I wasn't even under the influence of anything. Beautiful. Oh, life is good. I love it. Yes, I'd say at about 1:30am this morning, everything went downhill. We were fine online. We were fine at Vegas. We were fine all the way until the bike wouldn't fit. Then the arguing started and the voices started to raise. Curse words flying like we were sailors because our spontaneous, and what we thought was a genius plan crashed and burned all to quickly right before us. Good news, I am not shot yet. No notes on the fridge saying I'm being cremated because I'm going to be burning in hell or anything. Good signs? I sure hope so. Not so good news, my dad is not much of a happy camper. He says (not directly to me yet) that I am sneaky. That even though I left a note saying I was going to Brendan's and wrote everything down on a note, I was being 'sneaky' and probably 'sneaking out'. Well shit. I just don't know what to say. Thing is, every time I tell them my plans-the fact that they are late at night makes them shut it down. If it's 9:59pm and I say I'm going to Vegas with someone, they say no. I tell them exactly where I'm going and they shut me down. And this is what I see, I'm truthful and they still won't accept it. But when I am 'sneaky' and I 'sneak out', I am much better off with them not knowing because then I can actually go and do my thing. I don't go off into the night and do things to make them worry. The only thing they have to worry about is other people. But that's life for you. Everyone takes a risk everyday just driving the streets. Anything could happen at any time. Day or night. Crazy people don't just stop being crazy during the day. Well shit. First my mom comes in with the preview lecture. Then my dad tags in with the rest. I knew exactly what to expect. I knew what he was going to say. And it doesn't make sense to argue because we both see things from different angles. It's fruitless. He will never understand how I see things. I will never understand how he sees things. He's old fashioned. I'm modern. He thinks daytime is the safest of times. I think no time is really the safest of times. There is risk all the time. He finds comfort in be being at home at night. I feel suffocation and that he's sheltering me. He says it's a scary, unsafe world out there. I say that I'll have to live and experience it sometime. I won't be afraid like him. I won't hunt for trouble, but I definately won't live my life hiding. If something happens, it happens. Everyday is a risk. I'm not going to walk around, waiting for the worst to happen. I'm a free spirit. I'm still cautious but not afraid to take risks. If something did happen to me, I'd take it as a learning experience and live on. Life shouldn't stop right there. In the end, you're going to have to live on anyway. Live on and move on. I am not him. My day does not stop at 10pm every night. He doesn't have to like my way of life but he could at least try to accept it. I sure as hell won't change for him. What can I say, I'm too damn stubborn to give in and conform to his likings. But now I know, if it's before midnight- wake them up and tell them. If it's after midnight- leave a note. And that is very good to know. And what's this? I already abided by that rule because it was after midnight last night and I left a note saying exactly what I was doing. Honestly, I'm really not that bad of a kid. At all really. They know this. I know this. And yet, they still make it out as if I am. What little rebellion I do, it's simply chaos and they cannot have it. What can I say, I am just too out of control for them. Get out your stun guns and tranquilizers, this girl is FERAL. And you love it ;D Haha, what a day. Also, to put the cherry on this every so happenin' sundae: Chain O'Lakes State Park doesn't even rent out bikes anymore. Key word: anymore - because that means they used to. Well fuck me. What a time to discontinue bike rental...when we plan to rent bikes. The fact that they USED to rent out bikes and don't ANYMORE just makes me want to smile so wide that my face cracks. Brendan, we are going biking. We're equally as stubborn so I have faith in us. We'll put our forces together and make the planets align...we'll make it happen somehow. Umm...really weird feelings happening. I sense a really akward moment...time to go. Good night. Oh, phew. Not what I was expecting. Total relief. But I'm spent typing anyway so goodnight still, lol. Love to all and then some :D Jenny at 9:37 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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