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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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Okay. No.
There is this part of me that wants to be around people, especially friends, I don't know...that's just how I am. I like to be around people. Right now, I especially want to be around people. Old friends, new friends, good friends, best friends...people I met and still am in the mists of getting to know. I am simply a people person. And for some reason, right now, that is really important to me. There is a reason, but it doesn't affect anyone but me. Then there is this part of me that wants nothing to do with anyone. Anyone at all. I haven't told anyone this crazy mood until today, at the grocery store. I walked up to one of those friends that I am still in my mists of getting to know, and instead of a casual "Hello, how are you?", he was honest and told me how he felt. He felt out of sorts, also. Of all places and of all people, I open up and admit all of this out of sorts-ness in a grocery store to a boy I just met a few times. And you know what? I didn't even matter, I knew enough about him to where I could just feel comfortable admitting I haven't felt my best lately. I've been feeling weird. It's an akward time right now with everything going on. What helped was that he was comfortable enough not to sugar-coat his feelings either. No prodding or plastic smiles needed- we just admitted it. Right now, life seems so hard. It's another one of those tests in life, you know? You see it coming, it doesn't even matter if you are ready- you just have to be. So many things are on my mind; everything seems so crucial right now...like I'm trying to deactivate a bomb in order to save the world. With all I know and with all I don't know...and of the things I do know, most of them I don't even want to admit because I'm either too stubborn or too scared. I'm so afraid of fucking up, not making the right choices...just I don't know... I mean, I believe you have to take chances in order to truly live- whether they be wrong or right. It's simply a learning experiece to use later in life. But I don't want to ruin good things. I don't want to make bad things worse. And either way, I don't want to live with regret. If I don't do something, I may regret it. If I do do something, I may regret it. That's where chance comes in. And as they say: things always turn out for the better, time heals all, do your best... I mean God damn, I'm sure you could live off those proverbs and still worry because you just don't know. I want to see all these people and then I don't, because I'm not normal Jenny right now. I think I'd be a lot better off in life not worrying what people think of me, which seems easy enough...but somehow, some people's thoughts on you get the best of the "I do what I want" attitude. There are some people who make you feel so comfortable but also like a deer in headlights. Sometimes you can gain all this confidence over time, and then suddenly lose it in a matter of seconds because some people have a way of making the shyness come back, and the cheeks to blush, everything that you've worked up to be just crumble in a matter of seconds...if only for a few seconds or minutes....because by the time they are gone...the confidence is back, less stuttering and fumbling for words... none of that forgetting how to control your own body and become clumsy and even more akward than normal. I just can't wait to that point in my life where I can look back on this silly topsy turvy day and laugh whole heartedly, because right now, things don't seem so funny. There have been so many downhill tumbles and uphill climbs, let downs, and unfortunate happenings- there seems to be no good news anymore. Then I explode into a million pieces and a family of vultures eat my remains. But then they become intoxicated with all the WHINE flowing through me, try to fly back to their homes but instead of flying individually, they all piled on to the biggest vulture there with hopes of trying to carpool or something...Anyway, with all the weight and tipsy-ness, the bottom most vulture ends up walking off a cliff and they all fall into a prickly pit of cacti and die. The end, dammit. Jenny at 7:39 PM
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