Her Smiling Eyes

Monday, September 19, 2005

I never thought I'd see the day where my ma would yell at me for being 'too involved'. Honestly, wtf? Most parents strive to get their children involved in multiple activities. Not mine. In fact, the first thing she did was bitch about it. I love it.

I just found out today that I made a part in the play. Not a lead role, but without my part, there would be no visual for the dreams occuring. I am part of the dream team, which is like the bread to the pb and j sammich. Sure, bread is not incorporated in the name of the sammich, but it is necessary to make it complete and possible. That's a nice way to look at getting a small part in my eyes.

Also, Amnesty began today. After that, I went to the field hockey game because I promised Sheppard I'd check it out. I stayed for both Varsity and JV. Varsity won, but JV did not. What I observed with the JV team is that they aren't aggressive enough. Instead of a team, they make it every girl for herself- very little back up from teammates. When you see the loose ball, by all means, run like hell and hit it to an open teammate or go with it on your own. Don't be afraid to look intimidating and attack. Go for it, you've got nothing to lose.

I talked to Mama Scheidt and we discussed what I should do now that I am officially involved in the play and how I can fit field hockey practice + games into my schedule. She said to take it easy, she doesn't want me to become burned out. I agree, but I want to start conditioning. And field hockey looks like a fun sport to play. The season's short, why not?

Then I talked to Sheppard and she still has to get me my waiver. I need a more recent physical and she said that she would pull strings so I could practice, play, and still make it to play rehearsal. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I have faith in us. She said that if I was willing to play, she would make it happen. And honestly, that was the most wonderful thing I've heard all day. I will definately play my heart out for this woman. I want nothing more than to make her proud.

Right now, this tight schedule is looking pretty appealing. I just want to get really busy so I can't think about anything but the things I'm involved in. All I want to think about is homework, clubs, the play, and sports. Everything else is just so disappointing. I have been so disappointed in these past few days. As soon as I get over something, another disappointment surfaces and brings me down.

Of all times, why did she, of all people, have to tell me she likes one of my close friends instead of me? It's not that I'm not used to the whole "I only like you as a friend" bit, but couldn't you just tell me earlier that you liked this other person rather than now? This is definately not the best time to hear all this because instead of just brushing it off, I feel like I'm not good enough because you like my friend. There are just too many things like this occuring too close together.

I am just not going to like anyone anymore. I'm just going to turn into this theater-jock-club nerd that only cares about the activities they are in. It doesn't help that damn near 3/4 the activities I'm involved in, she's involved in as well. But I have stopped liking her cold turkey. No mas.

Soon I'll be too busy to care and it won't even matter anymore. That will be good for me. Trust me on this. I need to be distracted from certain things.

I've been on such an emotional trip this past week or so...god damn. It's overwhelming. All I want to do is focus on something and take my agression out on it. Like field hockey, I can use agression as my source of power and blow everyone away.

And acting, I'll rehearse my ass of and focus on my role and getting into character.
As for the clubs, I'll focus on making a difference.

I'll get through the day. I'll be okay. It's just a little rough right now. I'll pave my way out. I'll fight the good fight. And maybe, just maybe, the right person will come along the way and we can both smile because we found each other. If not, eventually it will happen.

To end this on a positive note, thank you, Hannah, for having such a wonderful party. That was just what I needed- a room full of familiar faces. I needed that hyperactivity, the goofing off, the laughter and play...I needed that comfort. Cheers to happy fiestas full of happy, fun people. I really had a great time.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, there is always reason to smile. Especially when you have sweet friends. Yay for wonderful people :)

Adieu, and love to all.

Jenny at 8:00 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Monday, September 19, 2005 I never thought I'd see the day where my ma would yell at me for being 'too involved'. Honestly, wtf? Most parents strive to get their children involved in multiple activities. Not mine. In fact, the first thing she did was bitch about it. I love it. I just found out today that I made a part in the play. Not a lead role, but without my part, there would be no visual for the dreams occuring. I am part of the dream team, which is like the bread to the pb and j sammich. Sure, bread is not incorporated in the name of the sammich, but it is necessary to make it complete and possible. That's a nice way to look at getting a small part in my eyes. Also, Amnesty began today. After that, I went to the field hockey game because I promised Sheppard I'd check it out. I stayed for both Varsity and JV. Varsity won, but JV did not. What I observed with the JV team is that they aren't aggressive enough. Instead of a team, they make it every girl for herself- very little back up from teammates. When you see the loose ball, by all means, run like hell and hit it to an open teammate or go with it on your own. Don't be afraid to look intimidating and attack. Go for it, you've got nothing to lose. I talked to Mama Scheidt and we discussed what I should do now that I am officially involved in the play and how I can fit field hockey practice + games into my schedule. She said to take it easy, she doesn't want me to become burned out. I agree, but I want to start conditioning. And field hockey looks like a fun sport to play. The season's short, why not? Then I talked to Sheppard and she still has to get me my waiver. I need a more recent physical and she said that she would pull strings so I could practice, play, and still make it to play rehearsal. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I have faith in us. She said that if I was willing to play, she would make it happen. And honestly, that was the most wonderful thing I've heard all day. I will definately play my heart out for this woman. I want nothing more than to make her proud. Right now, this tight schedule is looking pretty appealing. I just want to get really busy so I can't think about anything but the things I'm involved in. All I want to think about is homework, clubs, the play, and sports. Everything else is just so disappointing. I have been so disappointed in these past few days. As soon as I get over something, another disappointment surfaces and brings me down. Of all times, why did she, of all people, have to tell me she likes one of my close friends instead of me? It's not that I'm not used to the whole "I only like you as a friend" bit, but couldn't you just tell me earlier that you liked this other person rather than now? This is definately not the best time to hear all this because instead of just brushing it off, I feel like I'm not good enough because you like my friend. There are just too many things like this occuring too close together. I am just not going to like anyone anymore. I'm just going to turn into this theater-jock-club nerd that only cares about the activities they are in. It doesn't help that damn near 3/4 the activities I'm involved in, she's involved in as well. But I have stopped liking her cold turkey. No mas. Soon I'll be too busy to care and it won't even matter anymore. That will be good for me. Trust me on this. I need to be distracted from certain things. I've been on such an emotional trip this past week or so...god damn. It's overwhelming. All I want to do is focus on something and take my agression out on it. Like field hockey, I can use agression as my source of power and blow everyone away. And acting, I'll rehearse my ass of and focus on my role and getting into character. As for the clubs, I'll focus on making a difference. I'll get through the day. I'll be okay. It's just a little rough right now. I'll pave my way out. I'll fight the good fight. And maybe, just maybe, the right person will come along the way and we can both smile because we found each other. If not, eventually it will happen. To end this on a positive note, thank you, Hannah, for having such a wonderful party. That was just what I needed- a room full of familiar faces. I needed that hyperactivity, the goofing off, the laughter and play...I needed that comfort. Cheers to happy fiestas full of happy, fun people. I really had a great time. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, there is always reason to smile. Especially when you have sweet friends. Yay for wonderful people :) Adieu, and love to all. Jenny at 8:00 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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