Her Smiling Eyes

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Okay, homecoming is not just a dance-- it is a whole damn day.

First off, I had to take the ACT again. How convenient, homecoming day...as if the day wasn't stressful enough. And all because I couldn't take the writing portion before. Good stuff, honestly, I love it.

I had to get up at 6:30am and spend 4+ hours at Mundeline High School. Bloody hell...grrrarrr.

My dad tried to lighten to mood afterwards by taking me to Sammies. I wasn't very hungry, just exausted, but I ate anyway. It was very good and it helped a little bit. The stress wasn't over, though.

From Sammies, we went to Fantastic Sam's (Katie left for vacation this weekend). I was lucky to get this completely incompetent lady to do my hair. Honestly, I had to prep myself for the worst, she had NO idea what she was doing. I was freaking out. Okay, my hair cut and style is not that difficult. In fact, I could do it myself if could cut and style the back of my head efficiently. All I wanted was an inch trimmed off, my layers more defined, and my hair flipped out so it could survive the night. I am a simple girl in that sense. That is all I wanted. First mistake: She put mousse in my hair (that weighs the hair down, making it difficult to flip). Second mistake: instead of putting a majority of my hair on my head and going from the bottom layer to the outter-most layers, she simply dried my hair and attempted to flip it as is. Do you know how hard that is? I have like a fucking mane of hair, and therefore, you have to seperate it into layers so you can flip it easier. Third mistake: she wasn't holding the curling iron in one spot for long enough. For each flip, she'd curl it out for like a second and then go to another chunk of hair. Forth mistake: she fucking sprayed me in the face with hairspray. Mind you, I was on the phone in midsentence, so my mouth was open and everything. So I got hair spray ALL over the left side of my face...in my mouth, my eyes, and slickening the side of my cheek. Fifth mistake: a half hour-45 minute thing turned into an hour and then some. Seriously, I was so pissed. I did not have the time to have someone fuck up my hair.

I got home and fixed my hair the best of my abilities (though I couldn't do much, she put like a helmet of hairspray on my head). I washed the hairspray off my face, put my dress on, and started to apply my makeup. Before that, I had a bitchin' time trying to find pantyhose. So I said fuck it and wore none. Then Kaitlen came over and calmed me down a bunch. She complimented my dress and such and proceeded to help me with my eyeshadow. She had to go, so I gave her a big hug and lots of love. I put on eyeliner and mascara. Then I put on some lipstick, blush wasn't necessary...my face is always pink for some reason or another. Today it was because I was flustered.

I started painting my nails to compliment my dress. My nails alternated from black to white. The black nails had white polka dots and the white nails had black polka dots. It turned out really cute. I made myself some tea in hopes to feel relaxed. It sort of helped.

Kevin came over as I was finishing up my nails and we were getting nervous because Tina and Tim were late (surprise, surprise haha). We had to order the chinese food but we didnt know their orders so we had to wait. The only reason we wanted to get the chinese early is so that we could just eat and chill before the dance. The later and later it got, the tighter the time became. I was already on edge from the previous adventures of the day, and it wasn't helping that my monthly visit was due anytime then. The funny thing was, Tina had the same issue. So we were both like firecrackers.

When they arrived, things got less stressful because we all set. All we had to do was eat, watch our movie, take pictures, and go. It was all gravy. Abby Leigh joined us soon after the chinese came, and that was lovely. We all hung out for a while and then we took pictures. That was a lot of fun, haha. I wish I could have seen some of them, because I know there was one where I caught in mid-laugh. I hope I didn't look crazier than normal.

By 6:45ish, we left for the dance. Aww, everyone looked so handsome/pretty and dainty. There were some dress malfunctions, but they were minor. With mine, ugh, there are these two rod-like things in the front of the dress. God damn, it was so uncomfortable. I kept running my hands down them, and it looked as though I kept caressing my body. But it was just the rods I was feeling, I just couldn't believe they were there. Okay, my dress was also really silky. I also had a tendancy to swirl my dress and wave it. I had to make sure I didn't pull it too high because I didn't have shorts underneath. Dresses are amusing, I keep forgetting how fun they are. And goodness, so much air flow under there, wow! I love it!

The dance itself was very fun. I knew a strapless dress would hold me back from my usual dancing...sigh. Swing dancing = asking for the dress to slip off in one way or another. Also, you know you're small when people can just pick you up and toss you around. Kevin wanted to do that one swing dance move where he picks me up and slides me under his legs and pretty much waves me around. Chyea, no go without shorts under my dress and it's strapless. I'll admit, we tried it once, but he scooped me too low and I ended up laying on the ground rather than sliding under his legs lol. I know it's possible, though, because David did it to me last year and it worked well. I think we even did the whole swing my legs from one side of him to the other and such. There's probably a name for that, I don't know it.

But boy, was I flying around the dance floor. These are some strong boys and girls, let me tell you. Kevin and I would sway back and forth while dancing and then he would lift me like I was a ballerina and I would fly. It was incredibly amusing.

There were some people I wanted to dance with but I didn't feel it was right. So I didn't. If the circumstances were different, maybe I would have. It's such a shame.

As much fun as I had with Kevin, I wish I could have gone with a girl. Not to say it would have had more fun, it just would have been different.

What I have almost forgotten as well is exactly how much I love dance. Especially slow dancing, because I get to hug those dear to me for as long as the song is.

Ughh...I hate feelings. My heart is tightening in my chest and making it hard to breath. Why can't I be good enough? Why must I react like so? I'm being so juvenile, pretending like I don't care at all, like I've stopped caring altogether. I've turned so cold in these past few days, I can barely stand myself. I've just accepted the fact that I can't feel that, that feeling of liking someone and he/she liking you back. I just can't be liked like that. I'd rather be numb than be the only one feeling these feelings. It such a challenge associating with her without feeling like I am not good enough. And now she's in everything that I am in or damn near close. The fact that I want to be around her yet all the same want to avoid her at all costs drives me insane. I wanted to dance with her so bad, and I wanted her to want to dance with me, too. But I couldn't stop thinking about how she would rather dance with her love interest, the one that is good enough. Everytime I care, it breaks my heart because no matter how much this may not matter to her, it still matters to me. And I don't even want her to hurt. I want her to be happy. Why can't I be happy like that, too?
Stupid emo with stupid feelings whining about stupid love.

Wash away the bad, scrub scrub scrub, let it all go down the drain and drown in self-pity. I need to take a shower, maybe I'll feel better when I'm squeeky clean.

On a happy note: Happy Birthday, Tina! And happy half-birthday, me! Tina and I plan to have a half-half birthday party between her birthday and mine. Wow, in six months, I will be an adult. Jesus...I barely feel like a senior...

Jenny at 2:46 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Sunday, September 25, 2005 Okay, homecoming is not just a dance-- it is a whole damn day. First off, I had to take the ACT again. How convenient, homecoming day...as if the day wasn't stressful enough. And all because I couldn't take the writing portion before. Good stuff, honestly, I love it. I had to get up at 6:30am and spend 4+ hours at Mundeline High School. Bloody hell...grrrarrr. My dad tried to lighten to mood afterwards by taking me to Sammies. I wasn't very hungry, just exausted, but I ate anyway. It was very good and it helped a little bit. The stress wasn't over, though. From Sammies, we went to Fantastic Sam's (Katie left for vacation this weekend). I was lucky to get this completely incompetent lady to do my hair. Honestly, I had to prep myself for the worst, she had NO idea what she was doing. I was freaking out. Okay, my hair cut and style is not that difficult. In fact, I could do it myself if could cut and style the back of my head efficiently. All I wanted was an inch trimmed off, my layers more defined, and my hair flipped out so it could survive the night. I am a simple girl in that sense. That is all I wanted. First mistake: She put mousse in my hair (that weighs the hair down, making it difficult to flip). Second mistake: instead of putting a majority of my hair on my head and going from the bottom layer to the outter-most layers, she simply dried my hair and attempted to flip it as is. Do you know how hard that is? I have like a fucking mane of hair, and therefore, you have to seperate it into layers so you can flip it easier. Third mistake: she wasn't holding the curling iron in one spot for long enough. For each flip, she'd curl it out for like a second and then go to another chunk of hair. Forth mistake: she fucking sprayed me in the face with hairspray. Mind you, I was on the phone in midsentence, so my mouth was open and everything. So I got hair spray ALL over the left side of my face...in my mouth, my eyes, and slickening the side of my cheek. Fifth mistake: a half hour-45 minute thing turned into an hour and then some. Seriously, I was so pissed. I did not have the time to have someone fuck up my hair. I got home and fixed my hair the best of my abilities (though I couldn't do much, she put like a helmet of hairspray on my head). I washed the hairspray off my face, put my dress on, and started to apply my makeup. Before that, I had a bitchin' time trying to find pantyhose. So I said fuck it and wore none. Then Kaitlen came over and calmed me down a bunch. She complimented my dress and such and proceeded to help me with my eyeshadow. She had to go, so I gave her a big hug and lots of love. I put on eyeliner and mascara. Then I put on some lipstick, blush wasn't necessary...my face is always pink for some reason or another. Today it was because I was flustered. I started painting my nails to compliment my dress. My nails alternated from black to white. The black nails had white polka dots and the white nails had black polka dots. It turned out really cute. I made myself some tea in hopes to feel relaxed. It sort of helped. Kevin came over as I was finishing up my nails and we were getting nervous because Tina and Tim were late (surprise, surprise haha). We had to order the chinese food but we didnt know their orders so we had to wait. The only reason we wanted to get the chinese early is so that we could just eat and chill before the dance. The later and later it got, the tighter the time became. I was already on edge from the previous adventures of the day, and it wasn't helping that my monthly visit was due anytime then. The funny thing was, Tina had the same issue. So we were both like firecrackers. When they arrived, things got less stressful because we all set. All we had to do was eat, watch our movie, take pictures, and go. It was all gravy. Abby Leigh joined us soon after the chinese came, and that was lovely. We all hung out for a while and then we took pictures. That was a lot of fun, haha. I wish I could have seen some of them, because I know there was one where I caught in mid-laugh. I hope I didn't look crazier than normal. By 6:45ish, we left for the dance. Aww, everyone looked so handsome/pretty and dainty. There were some dress malfunctions, but they were minor. With mine, ugh, there are these two rod-like things in the front of the dress. God damn, it was so uncomfortable. I kept running my hands down them, and it looked as though I kept caressing my body. But it was just the rods I was feeling, I just couldn't believe they were there. Okay, my dress was also really silky. I also had a tendancy to swirl my dress and wave it. I had to make sure I didn't pull it too high because I didn't have shorts underneath. Dresses are amusing, I keep forgetting how fun they are. And goodness, so much air flow under there, wow! I love it! The dance itself was very fun. I knew a strapless dress would hold me back from my usual dancing...sigh. Swing dancing = asking for the dress to slip off in one way or another. Also, you know you're small when people can just pick you up and toss you around. Kevin wanted to do that one swing dance move where he picks me up and slides me under his legs and pretty much waves me around. Chyea, no go without shorts under my dress and it's strapless. I'll admit, we tried it once, but he scooped me too low and I ended up laying on the ground rather than sliding under his legs lol. I know it's possible, though, because David did it to me last year and it worked well. I think we even did the whole swing my legs from one side of him to the other and such. There's probably a name for that, I don't know it. But boy, was I flying around the dance floor. These are some strong boys and girls, let me tell you. Kevin and I would sway back and forth while dancing and then he would lift me like I was a ballerina and I would fly. It was incredibly amusing. There were some people I wanted to dance with but I didn't feel it was right. So I didn't. If the circumstances were different, maybe I would have. It's such a shame. As much fun as I had with Kevin, I wish I could have gone with a girl. Not to say it would have had more fun, it just would have been different. What I have almost forgotten as well is exactly how much I love dance. Especially slow dancing, because I get to hug those dear to me for as long as the song is. Ughh...I hate feelings. My heart is tightening in my chest and making it hard to breath. Why can't I be good enough? Why must I react like so? I'm being so juvenile, pretending like I don't care at all, like I've stopped caring altogether. I've turned so cold in these past few days, I can barely stand myself. I've just accepted the fact that I can't feel that, that feeling of liking someone and he/she liking you back. I just can't be liked like that. I'd rather be numb than be the only one feeling these feelings. It such a challenge associating with her without feeling like I am not good enough. And now she's in everything that I am in or damn near close. The fact that I want to be around her yet all the same want to avoid her at all costs drives me insane. I wanted to dance with her so bad, and I wanted her to want to dance with me, too. But I couldn't stop thinking about how she would rather dance with her love interest, the one that is good enough. Everytime I care, it breaks my heart because no matter how much this may not matter to her, it still matters to me. And I don't even want her to hurt. I want her to be happy. Why can't I be happy like that, too? Stupid emo with stupid feelings whining about stupid love. Wash away the bad, scrub scrub scrub, let it all go down the drain and drown in self-pity. I need to take a shower, maybe I'll feel better when I'm squeeky clean. On a happy note: Happy Birthday, Tina! And happy half-birthday, me! Tina and I plan to have a half-half birthday party between her birthday and mine. Wow, in six months, I will be an adult. Jesus...I barely feel like a senior... Jenny at 2:46 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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