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part with me
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about me
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Alotta my pals say that I am pretty random, and i like to think out side of the box alot. Im pretty crazy but not in the straight jacket sorta way ya kno. I like to send letters to my friends cuz everyone likes to get real mail every once and a while. I also like to leave messages on answering machines. Those are a few joys in my life. Another joy in my life is my friends. They put happy into my life just being there. They are my favorite people and I would do anything for them. There are many other joys in my life such as my dog and writing. There are sum downs too but the good stuff makes up for it. Ya can't let the bad bring ya down too much bcuz then life gets a little harder everyday cuz its just bringin ya down. Movin on, Im kinda spastic and goofy and thats aways fun. I like to have fun and smile and have a good time. I'm never usually serious but sometimes I am when I write. Other than that, I usually am never serious cuz its just not me. It would just be weird. But hey I'm weird too and sponaneous so ya never know what to expect outta me I am just a firecracker that just never stops goin. Ya think the pop stops but no it keeps on goin. I can also be refered to as spark plug cuz i dunno i guess im sparky but okay. Thats about all the main stuff, you'll learn the rest in time.
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I think I am too far gone to ever regress to my generation.
I simply no longer have that mindset and I'm always somewhere else. I don't understand how I can feel so sure and yet so lost at the same time. I believe the challenge is to apply all that you know in a way that is beneficial to you. It is one thing to know better, but now you have to deal with people who don't. Life comes to a point where you may know and understand things, and the challenge comes when you are surrounded by others who haven't gotten to that point yet. And as much as I feel like I'm already there, signed in and chillin' in the waiting room, I'm not. There are so many things that I don't know and have yet to experience. I don't know what it feels like to be with someone for more than three months. In fact, I can't even fathom THAT anymore. I don't know (or at least recall) what it feels like when your home isn't your home anymore. I was eight and saw home as where my family lived. We moved to Lindenhurst. All of us. Suddenly, that was home. It didn't even phase me. I'm talking about the realization that even though all that stuff in that room is yours, even though you lived there, grew up there, the familiarity is there... yet it's no longer home. I don't feel older. I feel wiser, but I don't feel older. I don't feel any transition between ages besides the benefits that come with that age. I don't know what it feels like to be close to my sibling(s). I don't know what it feels like to be under the influence of anything. Unless you consider love, for I've done many silly things in the acts of love. There is still so much I don't know, but with what I do know, I can get by. I don't know how different I'll be once I experience one or each of those things, and maybe I won't be different at all... I'll just be more experienced. As far as I know, I haven't changed since you last saw me. It's just the little alterations you may notice. And for all those people I ever knew and had the opprotunity to get close to at any point of my life, I don't know who I'd be today if I hadn't met you. Through the good and the bad, it was worth it. Everything was worth it. My life changed for the better the moment I learned your name. And no matter what has happened throughout time, I will always love you just the same. I'm on this emotional trip between sureness and completely lost and if that's all I can be sure of, everything I previously listed, fine. I feel this need to go through everything I do know everything I've ever known and simply break life down to all that I have all that matters Identify those things and look where you are now. Are they there? Are they intact? Doubt is the stain that ruins a wonderful outfit and I walk under a cloud that rains Kool-aid. But what is that metaphor when I feel so sure? More sure than I've ever been. Maybe it's one of those "I think I know, but I have no idea" instances. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a conversation with you. When did once normal pauses between statements become awkward and unbearable? Since when did we part without embrace? That's what I feel is missing in my life. You. I miss you. Jenny at 6:10 PM
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