Her Smiling Eyes

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

It feels as though I haven't written in here forever.
So I decided today was the day to change that.
Today is Valentine's Day.
It was an okay day.
I only say okay because my Valentines are quite a distance away.
And it wasn't really a happy day.
It wasn't because I'm single, it was because so many unfortunate things are occuring/occured.
My friend Meaghan is moving to Kansas. For a while, I was able to pretend she was kidding because after I found out, she didn't leave right away. But tomorrow, she's not even coming to school tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day. And it makes me so sad because she is a wonderful girl and a great friend. Even though we weren't super close or anything, I am still going to miss her a lot.
And then, DP was sort of harrassed by another student for being a lesbian. I say sort of because the other girl only called her a lesbian in a nasty voice, according to mi amiga. But it still really shocked her. That other girl is a silly one because she only stated what DP already knew about herself. I tried to lighten the mood by telling her that, as well as not to take it to heart, but I could tell that she couldn't help but feel hurt. That girl didn't even know her. And that's what probably makes it more hurtful, because of the fact she didn't know her and had the nerve to state the obvious.
My only experience with this is when I was walking through the cafeteria and I asked Ryan Knupp to move (polietely, mind you) and he called me a fag. He didn't and still doesn't even know me. At the time, I didn't even know for sure myself. And for him to presume that I was in fact, a fag, did sort of hurt. But that was simply because I was afraid everyone else could tell before me. Sexuality was a sensitive subject at the time because I had no idea what I was. I was still too insecure to be anything other than 'normal'. Now, I'm just me. I've accepted myself as Jen in full glory. If someone called me a fag now, I would laugh because they don't even know me. I can't take offense from people who have no idea who or what they are talking about. And with that, I can go on thinking that person is a douchebag.
The thing is, it really bothered her, though. This upset me, because the last thing I want is some stranger having the power to make my friend feel exposed and succumb to a silly label. She is not just a lesbian, she is a human being just like everyone else that is full of talent, feelings, and organs. To draw attention to only one part of a person really cheats that person out of all the amazing qualities that make him or her who they are.
And the sad thing is, almost everyone at our lunch table during this discussion thought of a violent/hurtful retort. That does nothing for one's image. You want to get through to this person? Don't take them seriously then. If I was with her at the time, I would have said, "Actually, she goes by the name DP." I may have even went as far as telling them that I'm sure she knows she's a lesbian, but really, why would anyone waste their breath on people like this? People like this don't even deserve a 'fuck you' or even a flip of the finger. In my mind, they deserve no acknowledgement whatsoever because then you would be giving them what they want: a reaction. These people strive for attention and want to get your reaction. That's all. And I'm sure they will get all the attention they want when they go fuck themselves.
So basically, I really hope she doesn't let it get to her anymore than it might have. It may have been merely the shock of it, but even then, I hope she doesn't dwell on it. Strangers don't deserve to have that affect on people. Especially my friends.

Love,
Jen

Jenny at 3:43 PM

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her smiling eyes
this is your cue. smile.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006 It feels as though I haven't written in here forever. So I decided today was the day to change that. Today is Valentine's Day. It was an okay day. I only say okay because my Valentines are quite a distance away. And it wasn't really a happy day. It wasn't because I'm single, it was because so many unfortunate things are occuring/occured. My friend Meaghan is moving to Kansas. For a while, I was able to pretend she was kidding because after I found out, she didn't leave right away. But tomorrow, she's not even coming to school tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day. And it makes me so sad because she is a wonderful girl and a great friend. Even though we weren't super close or anything, I am still going to miss her a lot. And then, DP was sort of harrassed by another student for being a lesbian. I say sort of because the other girl only called her a lesbian in a nasty voice, according to mi amiga. But it still really shocked her. That other girl is a silly one because she only stated what DP already knew about herself. I tried to lighten the mood by telling her that, as well as not to take it to heart, but I could tell that she couldn't help but feel hurt. That girl didn't even know her. And that's what probably makes it more hurtful, because of the fact she didn't know her and had the nerve to state the obvious. My only experience with this is when I was walking through the cafeteria and I asked Ryan Knupp to move (polietely, mind you) and he called me a fag. He didn't and still doesn't even know me. At the time, I didn't even know for sure myself. And for him to presume that I was in fact, a fag, did sort of hurt. But that was simply because I was afraid everyone else could tell before me. Sexuality was a sensitive subject at the time because I had no idea what I was. I was still too insecure to be anything other than 'normal'. Now, I'm just me. I've accepted myself as Jen in full glory. If someone called me a fag now, I would laugh because they don't even know me. I can't take offense from people who have no idea who or what they are talking about. And with that, I can go on thinking that person is a douchebag. The thing is, it really bothered her, though. This upset me, because the last thing I want is some stranger having the power to make my friend feel exposed and succumb to a silly label. She is not just a lesbian, she is a human being just like everyone else that is full of talent, feelings, and organs. To draw attention to only one part of a person really cheats that person out of all the amazing qualities that make him or her who they are. And the sad thing is, almost everyone at our lunch table during this discussion thought of a violent/hurtful retort. That does nothing for one's image. You want to get through to this person? Don't take them seriously then. If I was with her at the time, I would have said, "Actually, she goes by the name DP." I may have even went as far as telling them that I'm sure she knows she's a lesbian, but really, why would anyone waste their breath on people like this? People like this don't even deserve a 'fuck you' or even a flip of the finger. In my mind, they deserve no acknowledgement whatsoever because then you would be giving them what they want: a reaction. These people strive for attention and want to get your reaction. That's all. And I'm sure they will get all the attention they want when they go fuck themselves. So basically, I really hope she doesn't let it get to her anymore than it might have. It may have been merely the shock of it, but even then, I hope she doesn't dwell on it. Strangers don't deserve to have that affect on people. Especially my friends. Love, Jen Jenny at 3:43 PM Comments: Post a Comment
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